Showing posts from March, 2018

Pick X

I wrote this piece during one of my LRT journeys. I try my best to clear my mind during these long rides and find some quiet, some times I write when I feel like a train of thought forms and lines keep running. This piece was performed at Oral Fixation in July.
Let's take a peek into history...
Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
I would yell with the tip top of my eagerness
I was too small for the teachers to notice
Small enough for the other kids to pick on
They picked me apart.
You see
I wasn't a cookie cut cutie
I wasn't anyone's first pick
I didnt check all the boxes
growing up.
Growing up
I didn't have boxes to tick
No list of ambitions or expectations
I braved my face
Every time my words did not leave a trace
Your absences of words
cut deep, deep in my heart.
I grew up being picky
Picky about my friend
Picky about my attire
Picky about my desires
Picky about which pieces to pick up
It seemed easier to pick at the negatives
Than to focus on the positives.
I would say,


That feeling when you find yourself unable to find peace and everything around you messed with your senses and leave you in much discomfort. The very experience one has during a panic attack and the severe realisation that at that moment, you are your only saving grace.
My teeth clench every time I stand here
Coldness flowing through my veins
My Joints ache in pains
I am uncomfortable
For multiple reasons, I stay
I stay thinking that I am wanted
I stay because I am obligated
I stay for the sake of being present.
I find myself
Unable to blend in
Avoid being jarring
So I don't prick people with my torns
Always looking for a purpose
So I don't melt into the wall like wallflower.
I smile and be of good cheer
Pretend that I find you fascinating
Entertain superficial whims
that have no enriching value
Listen as you don't think through your thought prior
It tires me to be here.
I don't belong anywhere
Not with you
Beside you
or Behind you
I am neither her…


I was walking through Malacca with a good friend of mine. I recalled the stories we learned during our History lessons in school and wrote this short piece.
Pahlawans composed
In their glorious posture
Confident in their stances
Silat weaves their body
Between power and stillness
Moving the mind and soul
As one with calm and strength.
- Swit Marie
0420H 9th March 2018
Jonker Street