The Muruku Murmurations

Even as I was writing this, the memories came flooding back. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you, cousin. Gone too soon indeed.  The life of the party, Lighting up the room with remarks both witty and snarky. You made everybody laugh, That was also your way of coping when things were tough. Family gatherings are not the same, Without you there doing or saying something insane, Not a day goes by where we don't miss you, And all the silly things you used to do.   Sometimes I'd find myself saying something and then I'd pause, Waiting for you to give me one of your witty replies,     It catches me by surprise, Its then that it hits me that you're gone. Memories of you are aplenty, They often come back to remind me, They make me smile, Even if only just for a while. What is it like where you are? Is it everything you've dreamed of so far? It's beautiful, isn't it? I wish you could tell me about it, even just a little bit. A...

Although we don't see each other as often as we want to, this bond grows stronger day by day. Here's to the three of you, the ones who'd be crazy with me any day.  We grew up together, Stood up for each other, Thank you for tolerating me even when you think I'm being silly, Thank you for being you, Issybelly. Here's to you, Perasanne, Thank you for always being a great friend, Although we don't see each other that often, I still think you're pretty awesome. Lemon, this one is for you,   The one I'll go to when I need to sue, You always make me laugh, Most of the time with your witty and sarcastic remarks, Friends since birth, Not by choice but by blood, Ok la, you guys are pretty cool, Given a choice I still would choose you, I love how much this bond has grown, Even as we venture into the unknown, I love how we can be real with each other, This bond is forever.  - JN 10.25am, 10/5/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya ...

It took me awhile to realize that I'm not the girl I used to be. So much has happened that it has changed me, for the better or worse, I don't know. I wrote to the person I used to be as she is the person I miss the most.   Carefree, Happy go lucky, She's got the weight of the world on her shoulders? That never bothered her. The Queen of Happyland was your nickname, It didn't matter that people thought you were insane, Happiness was a state of mind, Even when people were unkind. So much has changed, Grumps is now your nickname, Sometimes they even call you the Dragon Lady, Lil' Miss Sunshine has been buried. I miss you, little girl, The one who saw the best in the world, Wide eyed and eager to take on the unknown, Little girl, where did you go? We've come a long way from where we began, Things have never been more different, The person I miss the most is you, The one who smiled no matter what she was going through.  - JN 9.52am, ...

If there is one place I'd call home, it'll be my grandparents place in Batu Gajah, Perak. Although I only went there during the holidays or long weekends, that house and place holds a special meaning to me.  This letter is not to someone but it is to the house from my childhood.  Disclaimer: Amachi is Grandmother in Tamil.  The house that built me, The house that is filled to the brim with memories, Although you were a single storey, Every nook and cranny had a story. The porch where we played catching, The drain in the front where we had our paper boat racing, The slope at the back is where I slide down and scrapped my knee, These are the memories that I keep dear to me. Our house was the noisiest on the street, Without the noise, it doesn't feel complete, Kids screaming at the top of their lungs, The adults telling us to be quiet, killing all the fun. You were home to me, A safe place for everybody, You were a place I'd always look forward to go t...

This one's for you, Spastic. Growing up together, Going with your family for holidays in Bukit Tinggi, I was part of your family, Your parents even said we were like sisters. We had bonded over our love for Mis Tres Hermanes and One Tree Hill, We clicked almost instantly, We all know how rare that is for me. I remember how we'd always find every excuse to hang out and chill. We gave each other silly nicknames, Even had the cliche half and half best friends necklace, The memories are endless, It didn't matter if people thought we were insane. When I moved school, we kind of drifted apart, We still talked but that closeness was lost, But I'm glad this friendship didn't get tossed, Doesn't matter how far away we are, I will always be your Retard.  - JN 10.45am, 14/4/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

I let the fear get the best of me. Take a chance is what I wish you would do, Like in those romantic movies you love that sometimes make you weep, One second of courage is all takes to make that leap, I wish you would bid the fear adieu. I wish you were tall, Then maybe you wouldn't feel so small, I wish you'd believe it when you say size doesn't matter, And when you're made fun of, your confidence doesn't shatter. There are a lot of things I wish you were, Mostly I wish you'd get rid of your fear, We'll just have to wait and see, If one day you will be gutsy.  - JN 2.45pm, 12/4/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

To the Big Man upstairs, this one's for you and I hope you forgive me too.  I hope you can forgive me, For not being the person you want me to be, There were many times that I let you down, But you never once did frown.     Please accept my sincere apology, I am trying really hard but it's not easy,   I know you only want what's best for me, A good person is what I aspire to be. Thank you for always having my back,     And sending me subtle messages that are always perfectly timed, Thank you for always keeping me on the right track, And for always reminding me to be kind.  - JN 3.45pm, 2/4/2016 (Saturday) On the LRT

To mankind. This goes out to all mankind, Because you always pester my mind, Some days you restore my faith in humanity, Most days, you make me question your sanity. You pester my mind, Yet the answers I do not find, Sometimes I wish I didn't live on this planet, This poor place that we take for granted. What have we done to this world? We've destroyed it even before her beauty can unfurl, Our land and trees are being destroyed everyday, Don't even get me started on how we're just killing animals, ok? We destroy lives like they mean nothing, Is it truly disgusting, We pretend like they don't matter, When we see that blood splatter. Some turn a blind eye, They hide away instead of standing up for what they believe in, And refuse to fight for justice till the end, They'd rather keep silent than die. So this one goes out to all mankind, Because you always pester my mind, It's sad because humanity can be so beautiful, It's sad t...

Also known as 10 Things I Hate About You.  I hate that you walked away without a second glance, Like I didn't deserve a chance, You just decided to take flight, Like I wasn't even worth the fight. I hate that you made me believe we could have worked through it all, You made me believe enough to break down my walls, And just as I broke free from my insecurities, You pulled the rug from under me. I showed you the most vulnerable side of me The side of me that no one has ever seen, When I broke down in your arms that one night, I hate that you held me and said, "I'm here and I'm going to hold you tight." I hate that I sometimes check my phone, Hoping your name would light up the screen with an I miss you, And you'd tell me that without me, you feel so alone, Maybe you'd tell me what a big mistake you made too. I hate that you made me crave for you, And made me long to say "I do," Even though I was scared out of my mind, ...

You broke my heart into a million pieces.  Our relationship was not of the ordinary, In fact it was over before you even knew me, But you broke my heart the hardest,   Even so, I still think you're awesome regardless.                                                                     You made me fall head over heels, You gave me way too much feels,         Most of the time, I just couldn't deal, Sometimes I'd even let out a squeal.                                       You broke my heart, Before anything could even start, I held on to your every word that impacted me in every way,                     So I don't think it is just a ph...

In lieu with International Women's Day, I decided to write to a woman who I think is one of the greatest singers of all time, Whitney Houston.  Your voice was amazing, Your grace was astounding, Your music was what I grew up listening to, Mostly when I was feeling blue. What was it like being a celebrity? Was it as crazy as it's made out to be? Did it ever get to you? Did it make you want to bid the fame adieu? Was it all you had hoped for? Was it everything you wanted and more? There are a lot of questions I want to ask you, Whitney Houston, you are someone I wish I could talk to.       - JN 3.00pm, 8/3/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

I admit that I judged you and it was based on your first impression too. I apologize for judging you, Because it's not what I normally do, But I never did have an option, So I judged you based on your first impression We met through my ex boyfriend, The two of you were supposedly best friends, But you'd flirt with him in front of me, And claim that's how you both have always been. When things got rough between him and I, You would try to get him to break up with me and not try, Right up until today, I still think you had a part in the break up in some way. It was wrong of me to judge you, And I guess it was pretty rude, But you never did anything to prove me wrong In fact all you did was prove that I was right all along.       - JN 10.00am, 1/3/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

I've always been bad at keeping in touch or even starting conversations. So, to the people I don't talk to as much as I like to, this one is for you. If you're reading this and are friends with me, You know how difficult that can be, If you've only met me a couple of times, I promise you I'm not quiet all the time. So this is for all of you, The ones I don't talk to as often as I'd like to,             It's not that I don't like talking to you, It's just that I don't know how to. I've always been bad at conversations starters, My mind either goes blank or I stutter, I also am bad at keeping the conversation going, And that's always been a curse not a blessing. So this one is for all of you, I'm working on this curse of mine, I'd like to say I'm sorry too, And I hope we can catch up sometime.       - JN 9.00am, 22/2/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

All someone needs is a second chance to make things right.  A second chance is what I would give to you, In hopes that we can start anew, Maybe forget about the past, And make some new memories that will last. We were always close, Then things happened and we drifted apart, It's time we restart, And see where this goes. No matter what, you will always be a part of me, And that's how it's always going to be. Maybe we'll get to rewrite history, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. - JN 10.00am, 2/2/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Yes, I went the cliche route and wrote about celebrities.  I'd like to meet the cast of One Tree Hill, I'm pretty sure it would be the biggest thrill, It would also be the best day, I might even not know what to say. I'd like to meet Chad Michael Murray, Even if I only get to say hey. I'd like to meet Hilary Burton, And tell her that I love her a ton. I'd like to meet James Lafferty, Even though I know that after that he will not remember me. I'd like to meet Bethany Joy Lenz, Even if it's just a glance. Sophia Bush is also one I would like to meet, I would tell her that I think she's pretty neat. And although they hear this everyday, I'd tell them how they impacted my life in every way. I wish I could meet the whole cast, That would be a blast, But even if I only get to meet the original five, I'm pretty sure that would suffice, - JN 10.00pm, 25/01/2016 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

For a friend who moved away but still keeps in touch. Thank you for being my favourite internet friend.  I remember a time we'd talk almost every day,                                             Sometimes we'd call each other just to say hey, But then we had to switch to MSN to say what we wanted to say, Because you had moved to the USA. Although we don't talk as often as we used to, And despite how far away you may be, I always make it a point to keep in touch with you, Maybe I'll come visit you someday, hopefully. - JN 10.30pm, 11/01/2016 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Thank you for giving me great memories.  There is a lesson in every memory, In the ones that put a smile on your face,       In the ones that were not so happy,     Even in the ones you wish you could erase. People come and go, That much I know, But all these memories I will keep with me Even as I sit here and sip my green tea. I cannot pick only one as there are so many,       Each memory is tied to a different individual, And that's what makes it special, So thank you for sharing these memories with me. - JN 7.15pm, 2/01/2016 (Saturday) Cafe 123Gasing, Jalan Gasing

Thank you.  When we were together, I didn't really thank you, So thank you for being you and for loving me too. Thank you for being my first, And for loving me even when I was at my worst. Thank you for sticking with me for those two years, And helping me conquer my fears. Thank you for standing up for me, Even though the consequences were crazy. Thank you for letting me go, Maybe someday I will understand why, who knows? Thank you for taking a chance on this timid little girl, You may not know this but you made my whole world. - JN 11.32pm, 14/12/2015 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Whatever that is thrown your way, I know you'll make it through.  I'm not good with words, But you said to me, "Everyone deserves to be heard" That gave me confidence, And made all the difference. That's the kind of amazing person you are, A girl with the biggest heart, With so much wisdom to impart, I just know you're going to go far. I know right now things may be rough, But I've never seen a person quite as tough, And when you feel like you can't go on, Always remember you have me to lean on. When everything is not going your way, When your blue skies turn grey, Just know that you will survive your hardest days, And that you're going to change the world someday. - JN 5.51pm, 7/ 12/2015 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

My parents have always told me not to talk to strangers so I decided to write to a stranger instead.  Hi there stranger,  I was told not to talk to you,  My parents warned me that talking to you could lead to danger, So sorry if I seem a little rude and just walk right on through,  But the truth is, you don't look so bad,  In fact, I think you look pretty rad,  I hope you have a good day,  All the way from Monday to Sunday.  - JN 5.30pm, 24/ 11/2015 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya