The Muruku Murmurations

I  wrote this on the flight travelling back to Malaysia in 2020, leaving Australia after what would have been the last time I see the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was observing the people around me, it was an 8 hour flight with a lot of turbulence, who would have know that 2020 would be that kind of year as well. It is funny how things tell you of what will come in its own little ways. Looking around absorbing the sensations to accommodate my body to my surroundings, Infusing my skin with lavender and chamomile to soothe the tension in my muscular fibres.   On my left, a rubik cube frantically trying to solve itself It is but a process of working out possible solutions and running through know standard operational patterns Constant rotations occur and in mere minutes the puzzle is solved.   On my right, two European centurians ecstatic to journey to a new land Partners in life and adventurers ready for new horizons just above the equator They ...

Every phase and season is a testing stage, a resist and repeat till we pass and graduate to the next grade. The regurgitation of emotions and feelings keep cycling through as we go through the arch of it. We all just want to say, "IT'S A WRAP" and move on to the next project. With that said, it is all about the process and the study period, the question is how much pressure do we put on ourselves and how well do we want to do in the end. Interesting isn't it? How our lives flow through cycles At various points we end up in the same place again. Like how we have to be tested In school, in work, in life Every season comes with a graduation Seeing how we fair going through the motions of Anxiety Uncertainty Scrutiny Surging adrenaline spiking Sleepless nights of contemplating Cycles of thoughts on our performance. The curtain call sounds the same Emotions course through our being Catching our breath after delivering our best in every act Singing our lungs out Wearing our...

In the month of April 2020, Makhluk Seni kicked off #HomegrownMakhlukSenis with 10 days of prompts, mindfulness activities and goals to help us get through the isolation. My years since I left the healthcare industry have felt like me being stuck in a constant roundabout. It may be a different roundabout each time but it still feels like I am starting from square one at different points, making little progress and recalibrating or readjusting but that is life. We don't  Day 8 Like grass under my feet Lately, I’ve been swaying in and out of daydreams,⠀ Shifting thoughts from “could have” to “what if?”⠀ ⠀ Dear Makhluk Seni, w e ask you: In these times of uncertainty, what is grounding you? #quarantineinitiative #grassroots #PACT2020 #NAPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2020 Every day comes with the waves When you have the strength, You can dive in deeper beneath it Deep within is a sense of weightlessness Fully submerged and emerge after it passes Find solace in a breath before the next wave comes....

In the month of April 2020, Makhluk Seni kicked off #HomegrownMakhlukSenis with 10 days of prompts, mindfulness activities and goals to help us get through the isolation. Self-care is something that I struggle to grasp, self-value seems to be a thing I don't understand or can't maintain according to some people. I see myself as a martyr for a reason and it was never a negative thing for me but it may have put me in certain dispositions were I get taken for granted or used. I feel that I give in to circumstances too often and will always choose others first before myself. Day 7 Why Balut Nangka? | #HomegrownMakhlukSenis ⠀ Dressed in white or blue, some are in green.⠀ To the lalat buah, protected and unseen.⠀ The mangga asked the nangka,⠀ “What designer are you wearing, eh?”⠀ ⠀ Dear Makhluk Senis, w e ask you: From homemade masks to medical face shields, How is your community caring for one another? #quarantineinitiative #grassroots #PACT2020 #NAPoWriMo #NaPoWriMo2020 We took a...

Prompts from  Makhluk Seni  for WELP, a movement to 'weaponise' love in all forms of expression. Prompts were released throughout the month of February for writers to submit any short form of writing. Alongside with people I have reclused myself from, I also attempted to come to terms with certain thoughts that were associated with that person. I am no longer the one who bends over backwards and smiles, goes out of my way just because I can and want to, at the expense of waiting to be love someone. It was all overlooked and still didn't earn me a place to be more than just another after-thought.   Prompt 13: Bent over backwards for... Would you sacrifice yourself for the ones you love? To what extent will you go for them? Think about not just your significant other, but also your family, friends, pets, and your faraway dreams⠀ ⠀ #WELPPACT   #PACT2 Dear reader, Make no mistake with the words written here They are not meant for spite Words forged by fear Cr...

I wrote this in the form of the different thoughts I had recently when I let go of some things in my past. I discarded all the poems my ex wrote for me along with the lies and thoughts that were attached to it. I have come to realise that I overvalue people and tend to give more than they deserve. I also found out in the past year who are the ones who are more deserving of my time, love and effort and who I should not invest more in anymore. Thought: I held on to it because I didn't want to forget how much a person could love me and the extent that I could give of myself in devotion to that person. Thought: I was afraid of losing that part of me, that ability to be entirely selfless and to feel unconditionally loved and accepted by someone else. Truth: I realise that I have outgrown these experiences and if I were to love someone to that capacity again, it would be even more so as I have grown to be a more whole and stronger person once I have moved past these next 2 years. Th...

I wrote this after I found out my ex got married to the girl he was with when he cheated. She contacted me multiple times and I did not want to have anything to do with them. I dodge a bullet and she is his now. This is me letting go of everything that had happened from the start till the end. I was tied up with you My heart wrapped tightly like a ball of yarn Overwhelmed Suffocated Blinded to see that I was your prisoner. You strung me along let your ends loose Then left me behind Stale and lifeless. I was frayed; devastated, I spent twice as long Trying to weave together what was broken Back tracking to where my strings started Not knowing how to the get the ball rolling So afraid of getting twisted. I watched you play on another's heart strings Letting her tug at you Like flying a kite I had knots in my stomach. When you tied the knot My heart struck a cord I am not hung up on you Not any more My life isn't a tightrope like b...

#NaPoWriMo2018 Day 5 Prompt by Poetry Cafe KL #NaPoWriMo #pckl #forgiveness We've all screwed up. We all deserve forgiveness. Forgive yourself for one thing today. For you, it was easier For me, I gave you my all You were my perfection I made plenty of excuses You gave me your promises I gave you my trust I let go of you and us I moved on to being better. For you it was either black or white For me I understood Why I accepted every shade of grey You were quick to judge You hardened and burnt our bridges I knew we both weren't right I believe that you were good I forgive myself for wanting to stay. - Swit Marie 0336H 6th April 2018 Taman Bahagia

The notion that there is someone out there who fits all our broken pieces perfectly is a very realistic one, but what we're never told is the fact that sometimes we meet that person and have to let them go. For whatever the reason, we consolidate, and we realize not only will we never love that way again, we will possibly never love again. And that's when we tell ourselves - No More.  Let there be no sadness. As I sob uncontrollably, gasping for air and clutching my chest, let me remember that there will be better days ahead. Let there be no anger. As I bite my lip and dig my fingers deep into my skin to restrain myself from giving into the pain, let me remember kindness & gentleness. Let there be love. As I let your hand go & you take with you the remnants of my heart to do with them what you will, may you always remember that I love you with everything I have and will continue to do so from a distance.  Let there be no more.  For you wer...

A Taytay attempt at trying to describe the many parts of a relationship with colors. Black.  The remnants of my heart before you, as dark as ink that slowly seeped into my soul, turning me as bitter as the coffee I drink.  Yellow.  The small rays of light that slowly beamed through the cracks of despair, as you beamed at me from across the table, albeit shyly.  Pink.  The colour of my cheeks that I deny every time I talk about you, unable to wipe the child-like grin on my face as I recall the things you say to me in secret and say about me in public.  Green.  The peace I feel every time I awaken at an hour ungodly to me, yet am satiated because your face is next to mine, softly wishing me Good Morning, which is in essence the best thing about the morning.  Orange.  My small streaks of irrational jealousy at women on the receiving end of heart emojis that I want to claim as mine, but knowing deep down that a heart...

People say that you shouldn't make comparisons between past relationships and the one that you're currently in. Sometimes, comparisons are inevitable, but they also show you how far you've come for the better.  You're not the name I carve on the tree, In all my adolescent glee. Pressing the contraband blade into the rough bark as hard as I can, Believing that an indentation in the brown wood would seal my love forever. You're not the phantom feeling in my hand, Where one that squeezed too hard once existed. I can still feel my sweaty palms and the heat, And my knuckles turn a shade of black and blue. You're not the muddy tracks I attempt to follow, As I struggle all alone uphill, Feeling as forgotten as the wet fallen leaves, And as desolate as the single trail downhill. You are the name I ink onto my heart, Every day as I voice it out in different intonations, Inseminating it into the world in rhyme. You are the southpaw that is always in ...

Often times we forget what a privilege it is for us to experience the simplest yet most personal things in someone's life up close. This is to that privilege, may we never abuse it. Your face.  As sunlight streams through the window & hits me right the eye, but I battle through because I want to look at you.  Your face. As you curse & swear in that matter-of-fact tone of yours, dripping with sarcasm at the inadequate driver just up ahead.  Your face.  As you sing along to the songs in languages I know little to nothing of, with so much gusto & feeling one might think this was a scene from a film.  Your face.  As you lean back and stretch out your limbs proportionate to the steering and the brake pad, making driving look like a seamless act as opposed to the calculated risk that it is.  Your face. As you turn to look at me at red lights and smile, eyes twinkling behind that one chipped lens, dimples barely seen ...

I was thinking about the convergence of TV show characters, and how the plot would be different if two characters were to have gotten together to create a super-couple (or in this case, non-couple). This is to Ross from Friends, and Robin from How I Met Your Mother.  You are the Ross to my Robin. This unconventional pairing,  Of TV characters from different shows, That in a perfect fandom,  Would fit together in all its imperfections. You are the quirky intelligence, With odd little habits,  Like a serious attention to detail,  And an intensity when you look into my eyes. I am the closed off romantic,  That allows small doses of glee,  To escape me when you make me smile,  But remembers that all this is just a feelingless facade.  This arrangement works on so many levels, Because Ross doesn't need a dainty girl, Or a brainless blonde tart,  But someone a little bit more challenging from a diff...

Sometimes the best things happen when you don't see them coming, and when you look back & try to trace when it did, the only way to do so is in the form of poetry. Also inspired by Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (Something is Happening) I guess you could say it crept up on us. Somewhere in between gazing at each other at Bait as we inconspicuously rested our hands on the table, immersed in the conversation yet conscious that we wanted to touch each other but not quite bridging that small distance between our fingers. As I watched you watch me devour koli kari, exclaiming how it was the best I've ever had & I never knew chicken curry could ever taste this good paired with a piping hot crispy egg roti, all the while wearing your shades, because it was 1030 in the morning and I hate sunlight. You sat across from me as I looked into the near distance at the KK Mart, grinning stupidly because my hair was the colour of the night sky and the galaxy and it made me feel lib...