Not With You
People say that you shouldn't make comparisons between past relationships and the one that you're currently in. Sometimes, comparisons are inevitable, but they also show you how far you've come for the better.
You're not the name I carve on the tree,
In all my adolescent glee.
Pressing the contraband blade into the rough bark as hard as I can,
Believing that an indentation in the brown wood would seal my love forever.
You're not the phantom feeling in my hand,
Where one that squeezed too hard once existed.
I can still feel my sweaty palms and the heat,
And my knuckles turn a shade of black and blue.
You're not the muddy tracks I attempt to follow,
As I struggle all alone uphill,
Feeling as forgotten as the wet fallen leaves,
And as desolate as the single trail downhill.
You are the name I ink onto my heart,
Every day as I voice it out in different intonations,
Inseminating it into the world in rhyme.
You are the southpaw that is always in my right palm,
Holding me not with the intent to keep me,
But to firmly reassure me that you aren't going anywhere.
You are the view I bask in,
And the wind that runs through my sticky helmet hair,
Softly telling me that the incline was worth it.
You are not anger, resentment or insecurity,
Instead you are kindness, understanding and reassurance.
In a world filled with the remnants of my mistakes,
You are the forgiveness sent to pardon me of past sins.
I no longer need to despair,
Beware, take care,
Or shut away the remnants of my heart,
No. Not with you.
11.13pm, 4th September 2016
SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two.