Showing posts from August, 2015

Whimsical Winter

Winters werealwaysfun andbrutalbackinRussia. Temperaturesbelow -10'Conaverageandaslowas -25'Cduringit'speak. Theroaringblizzardmadeitsodifficulttogoforclassand being wrapped up in your comforter was the hardestthingtopartwitheverymorning. Allinall, winterstillhadit'swonders.
White as snow,
Flakes of crystal,
Rivers a flow,
Hills of white marble.
Snowball wars,
Snowmen lined up,
Snow angels galore,
Snow cones and syrup.
Diamonds and glitter,
Tinkling of the ice,
Thawing of hearts so bitter,
I wouldn't give this for any price.
Winter wonderland,
Winter travelling plans,
Holding those cold winter hands,
Warming them up with a sultry dance.
The romance of the fire,
Hot cocoa and marshmallows,
Chilling winds that make us tire,
There is one thing I hope you know.
As beautiful as winter,
As cold as winters day,
As wonderful is it's splendour,
I still love it in every way.
SY Writtenat 01:16 on 27th May 2012
InMyHome, Kursk, Russia

Starting Over

So, I came across this quote and it just blew my mind. The quote is, "You can't start the next chapter if you keep re reading the last one". This quote is so true on so many levels. It can be applied in every aspect of a person's life. 

She had writer’s block.
She'd gotten 4 chapters done and couldn’t continue.
She kept rereading the 4 chapters she'd done, trying to get inspiration.
She tried and tried but she was stuck.
She began to think she'd lost her flow.
Her mind wanders to him.
It does that all the time.
She wonders how he is.
She wonders what went wrong.
She wanted to call him.
Like how she always did.
She knew she couldn't do that now.
Not anymore.
Everyday she tells herself to be strong and move on.
She wonders when the dreams will stop.
She remembers them vividly.
She wants to feel ok again.
Her phone beeped.
It was a text.
“You can't start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one”

- JN  2.00pm, 21/8/2015 (Friday) Imperial Hote…

You Can Get Used To Anything

As people, we are constantly adapting to new situations, new places, and new people. This is about how over time, you come to get used to pretty much anything. Even when a wrench is thrown into your plan, as the days go by, you will learn to get used to new feelings, new situations, and new anything.
It is funny how though humans are creatures of habits,
You can get used to almost anything.

You can get used to that pleasant feeling a person gives you at the beginning of a relationship,
That feeling that makes you believe this might be different and forever,
You get used to their little quirks, their little mannerisms,
And that feeling of annoyance when their mannerisms tick you off.

You settle into that familiarization of having that person around,
And their odd stuff that is strewn around eventually blends into your space,
You accept the fact that your space is now shared with someone else,
And you don’t think twice when you have to make space, in your space.

You get used to having c…

Alluring Autumn

Autumnismyfavouritetimeoftheyear. Thereissomethingsoothing about thechillingbreeze, thesoftshowersofrainandthebeautifulcoloursofleavesthatareonthetreesandtheblanketofleavesfallenontheground. ImissautumnsinRussia.
A palette of pink and ash white,
The colours all look so right,
A mixture of greys and blues so light,
So soothing but so bright.
A rainbow of tree leaves,
Drawing life away from what grieves,
Numbing to what we perceive,
Only wanting the love that we receive.
So pour sweet September showers,
As the chilling temperature lowers,
All I want is to stay under the covers,
Think of us cuddling as lovers.
The winds blow so cold,
The clouds in the sky as they mould,
The truth that lies so frank and bold,
It's with you I wish to grow old.
Serenading the nightingales sing,
Inspiration is what they bring,
Take me away with your angel wings,
To where we have a sense of belonging.
Autumn comes three months long, Through it all I come with songs,
My favourite time when my heart is stro…

"I'm Fine"

I was thinking about how people always say "I'm fine" even when they're not. We tend to just say we're okay or we're fine whether or not we are okay. 

Every time someone asks me if I'm okay,
I don't know what to say,
There's so much I want to say,
But that part of me is shut away.

I'd like to tell them how I'm barely getting by,
Or that I am watching all my friends move on with their lives,
And I am here standing still, stuck,
Sometimes I think I'm bad luck.

I want to tell them it's so loud inside my head,
With all the words I should have said,
Or about that feeling that I'm never good enough,
And how it never goes away.

I don't know how to explain it
Because even I can't make sense of it,
So instead I just smile,
and say "I'm fine."

- JN  11.00am, 14/8/2015 (Friday) Home, Kelana Jaya

#notetoself : Things To Start Owning Up To

It has come to my attention that I have a tendency to be a real pessimist. I wrote out this list as an attempt at being an optimist, and trying to remind myself that my life isn't all that bad. 
1)You are not as lost as you think you are. While your direction is slightly off the mainstream course of life, there is still direction, a plan and an end goal. You are also not half-bad at what you love to do, so please just get a grip and maybe you will make it in this world.   2)There is nothing wrong with the liberal way you live your life. Though you have transitioned from headscarves to sleeveless tops, God doesn’t love you any less and you are not completely damned to Hell for saying things like “Jesus is my bro” because the measure of a good person is fluid and still very subjective. 
3)You actually love your mother – a lot. She is an overbearing woman with expectations way too high for you, but you LOVE her. And you need to admit that it worries you when she only calls three time…

Pantun Untukmu

I feel it would be a waste if I had just discarded my previous works because an old chapter had come to an end. Though it was written with memories and intense feelings, it was something in the past and art is art. It is meant to be displayed and appreciated for what it is. It was still inspired and can still be inspiring. ThiswasprobablymyfirstorsecondMalaypoem (pantun).
Dengan setiap hari yang lalu,
Kamu yang semakin hatiku rindu,
Dengan perasaan yang pilu,
Mindaku berfikir tentangmu.
Perasaan kita amat suci,
Setiap kali berbalas puisi,
Hidup kita penuh dengan erti,
Bersamamu la saya punya misi.
Saya harap Tuhan memberkati,
Masa depan kita setiap hari,
Bersama-sama kita akan berlari,
Sehingga terbenam matahari.
Written at 03:19 on 16th September 2011
At My Home, Kursk, Russia

A Little Town Called Batu Gajah.

I was on the train to Ipoh and the train stopped at Batu Gajah before that and I got inspired to write about the place where I spent my holidays.

Batu Gajah, Perak,  To be exact, No 1 Waldorf Park, Although its not where I spent all my days,  It's where I spent all my holidays. 
No 1 Waldorf Park is full of memories,  Every corner has a story,  The parents, their 9 children and 19 grandchildren,  In this house we all managed to fit. 
The drain in front of the house,  Sometimes that's where the kids were found,  Catching fish or paper boat racing,  Not caring that it was scorching.
Batu Gajah has a playground at the bottom of the hill,  That's where the kids chilled,  The pizza hut around the corner,  Sometimes that's where we had dinner.
The shop at the bottom of the hill,  Is where the kids spent all their money,  We'd come back with bags full of sugary goodness and giggling, Our parents didn't think it was funny. 
This is the place where I grew up,  This is t…

This Is How I Will Remember You

Sometimes when a relationship ends, at the end of that relationship, you can't really see what first brought the two of you together, or why you stayed so long. There is often a lot of animosity that builds from this, and you begin to despise the person you once gave your whole self to. But, this is a choice. You can choose to let the hurt of the break up consume you & alter your judgment of this person, or you can choose to accept that despite how great that person might have been, they just weren't the right fit for you, and take away from that relationship all the good things, because more often than not, despite everything - there was good in the relationship, even if the relationship ended up not being good for you.
I won't think about the times you made me cry,
And all the arguments that nearly led to goodbye.
Instead I will remember your tear stained t-shirt as I sobbed into your chest,
In my weakest moments and I wasn't at my best.

I choose to forget the wo…

The Small Lil' Things

I was thinking about all these small lil' things that are related to some part of my life.
There's more but nothing is coming to my head right now..maybe you guys can add on anything that i left out..
Anyway, it is so very important to remember the lil' things in life because each and every one of them does add up and affect the life we live.
For the small lil' things people have done and said to me...Thank you for being a part of my life and changing it.. (well for all the good stuff of course..and for the bad..all is forgiven and lessons were learnt)
For all the wrong things that I have said and done to anyone, big or small, long ago or recently, I ask for your forgiveness, I am sorry...

A small lil' hole in a plastic bag
Leaves a HUGE mess if someone decides to throw something liquid in to the rubbish bin

A small lil' hole in the heart
Has brought grief onto a family

A small lil' word
Can change your whole day

A small lil' action
Can save someone's life

A sma…

Shut Up and Dance With Me

Well, this was sort of inspired by the song Shut Up and Dance With Me by Walk The Moon. I wanted to try and write a love story/poem with that line, and so I did. 

This is how it began,
He took her hand,
She shook her head and said, "I don't dance,"
He said, "With me, take a chance."

He does silly dances for her,
As she giggles like a little kid,
It's been four years,
But the little things, they still did.

One night, they went out dancing with their friends,
Even though she hated to dance,
She caved because it was their anniversary
He took her hand and said,"Shut up and dance with me."

"I've been waiting all my life,
For a girl like you to be my wife,
So say yes, and marry me,"
He said, as he got down on one knee.

He danced around the kitchen counter,
With their beautiful daughter,
As she watched them twirl,
She felt like the luckiest girl.

- JN  1.00pm, 3/8/2015 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Poorly Written Scripts

Inspiration comes at the weirdest times and in the weirdest places. Sometimes words aren't enough to fully express a feeling. Sometimes when you're looking for the words to describe things, you realize some things just simply cannot be described. 
I can't describe the way you make me feel,
When you kiss my hand & tell me I am the real deal,
I don't know if there are words to describe the light in your eyes,
Or to explain why every time I am with you time seems to fly.

I can't quite make out that face you make,
Every time you patiently push me to lift dead weight,
I also can't pen down that soft melody,
Of your voice as you coax an extra rep out of me.

Possibly not Shakespeare, Wilde or Dickens,
Could aptly put in words the loving way you cook me chicken,
And if they can't then what chance have I,
In successfully counting down all the ways you make me contentedly sigh.

I always feel like I am bursting with emotion for you,
But to put it out in rhyme or p…

What We Do With Scars.

I would probably say this if someone came back into my life again. This one was a deep cut that left a deep scar. Also a tribute to 'Scars' by Papa Roach.

Disclaimer: I take no pride or ownership in using the lyrics of this wonderful anthem for heart-wrenching moments in life. It was always a habit of mine to use songs to express myself and fuel the words of my rhymes. Please forgive me.
I tore my heart open,
And saw my vessels ripen,
I sew myself shut,
With the sutures of my rut.

My weakness is that I care too much,
Too much till I end up losing touch,
My scars remind me that the past is real,
It makes my soul harden like stone and steel.
I tear my heart open just to feel.
Drunk and I'm feeling down,
My world turning upside down,
And I just wanna be alone,
Stay away from my damn phone.
I'm pissed 'cause you came around,
Cause you made me lost and can't be found,
Why don't you just go home,
Or go somewhere else and roam.
Cause you channel all your pain,