#notetoself : Things To Start Owning Up To

It has come to my attention that I have a tendency to be a real pessimist. I wrote out this list as an attempt at being an optimist, and trying to remind myself that my life isn't all that bad. 

1) You are not as lost as you think you are. While your direction is slightly off the mainstream course of life, there is still direction, a plan and an end goal. You are also not half-bad at what you love to do, so please just get a grip and maybe you will make it in this world.  

2) There is nothing wrong with the liberal way you live your life. Though you have transitioned from headscarves to sleeveless tops, God doesn’t love you any less and you are not completely damned to Hell for saying things like “Jesus is my bro” because the measure of a good person is fluid and still very subjective. 

3) You actually love your mother – a lot. She is an overbearing woman with expectations way too high for you, but you LOVE her. And you need to admit that it worries you when she only calls three times (as opposed to five times) in a day and that you feel slightly wounded when it’s 2am and she hasn’t sent me a reminder via Facebook message that you still have a home to return to. 

4) You might not look like an A-list celebrity, but on some days you are pretty. When people compliment you, learn to smile and say Thank You as opposed to shoot them down with sarcastic remark. 

5) Your defence mechanism against positivity is your cynicism. Stop it. People deserve to be happy, even you. 

6) You are deeply, greatly and stupidly in love, possibly for the first time ever. You need to stop downplaying this like it’s just “something different” that is “still new”, because while it is something different and still very new, you know deep within yourself that this is real and it will never happen to you again. Start profusely thanking the Gods because yes – someone in this world actually thinks you are amazing & has found you. It is okay that you are pelted constantly with little romantic anecdotes and that you feel light and breezy like a girl in a tampon ad, because not everyone gets to feel this way, and the fact that you do and probably will for a long time, shows how lucky you are, and you just need to enjoy it. 

7) You are not always dying at the gym, it just feels like you are. Your regime is going great and you know it because you feel great afterward. Stop telling yourself that you’re doing horribly, because it has only been two months. No one is expecting you to be lean and fit straight off the bat, so stop expecting it of yourself.

8)  You are not too much. Yes, there is a lot of you – you are very loud, very rough around the edges and very … a lot, but you are in no way too much. Stop listening to that insecure voice in your head and to the people that tell you to “tone it down”. You don’t need to tone it down. You’re fine. The world is a big place, there is enough room for all of you. 

9) You often hate human interaction and get tired at the idea of having to go out and socialize. It’s alright, you’re not a complete bitch. Just remember that sometimes people can surprise you and be very nice, and try to keep your cat-like tendencies of staring people down when you first meet them to a bare minimum. 

10) You have way too many books, shoes and bags. More than you can read and wear. But that’s alright. Everyone’s got to binge on something. But stop denying it like you don’t have a problem. Because really, you do. 

- SB

9.47pm, 27th July 2015 (Monday)

Ghetto HQ

SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two.