Unsettled

That feeling when you find yourself unable to find peace and everything around you messed with your senses and leave you in much discomfort. The very experience one has during a panic attack and the severe realisation that at that moment, you are your only saving grace.

My teeth clench every time I stand here
Coldness flowing through my veins
My Joints ache in pains
I am uncomfortable
For multiple reasons, I stay
I stay thinking that I am wanted
I stay because I am obligated
I stay for the sake of being present.

I find myself
Unable to blend in
Cautiously
Avoid being jarring
So I don't prick people with my torns
Always looking for a purpose
tediously
So I don't melt into the wall like wallflower.

I smile and be of good cheer
Pretend that I find you fascinating
Entertain superficial whims
that have no enriching value
Listen as you don't think through your thought prior
It tires me to be here.

I don't belong anywhere
Not with you
Beside you
or Behind you
I am neither here nor there
Levitating in limbo
like algae floating in a pond.

No
you are not my friend
You and I
I am afraid
are mere acquaintances.

I know you.
But you surely don't know me
Honestly,
we are more like strangers.

Our hands may be touching
Seated side by side
But the distance between our minds stretch as far as the Pacific
It would take more than crossing time zones
To narrow the divide.

Unsettled
Knowing this isn't where I am rooted
This is not the place for me to stay
It is better for me to go
Find another place
Let the wind carry my seed
Be planted where I am suited.

- Swit Marie
0254H 5th March 2018
Bahagia HQ
Swit Marie is a 'Jacqueline of all trades' who loves wearing plaid
When words fail, she allows movement and emotion to carry her through
A believer in making dreams come true, she would love to collaborate with you
An explorer starting fresh and would only give her best
She stands in the gap and will only call it quits when it's a wrap.

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