Though I am not with you, I am...

In April 2020, If Walls Could Talk had an online poetry show to raise funds for the refugees in Malaysia, we did our monthly tradition of having a round-robin poem this time with all the viewers that night as the show was going on. This was written by 82 contributors from 7 countries.

 
Though I am not with you, I am...


This is a poem about nothing and everything:

Though I am not with you, I am painting a tree with my tooth

Though I am not with you, I am cackling at all your quarantine memes

Though I am not with you, I am sharing the same dream.

Though I am not with you, I am Hamlet’s left kidney.

Though I am not with you, I am standing in solidarity with the same people

Though I am not with you, I am in the stanzas you speak.

Though I am not with you, I am right behind you...spooky ;)

Though I am not with you, I am within you, snug against your great veins

Swirling, swishing. Eager to feel the sun with you

Longing to watch your lips move without the buffer

Dreaming about your smile that makes me feel butterflies all over :)

Though I am not with you, I am always in the little things around you, always in your memory

The senses from your fingertips till the depths of your spirit

Though I am not with you, I am thinking of all the ways I would hold you in my arms

The warmth of your body embraced in mine

Even though I am running parallel to you exactly ten metres apart

The ghost inside of you

Is just getting warmed up

Though I am not with you, I am kicking your ass at houseparty games <3

Though I am not with you, I am there, tucked deep in your rib cage where I listen to your heart beat

Beating slowly, softly. I clasp a hand over it, leeching all the warmth from my hand into your heart, the ghost of a limb that I hope finds its way home.

Though I am not with you, I am untangling these strings that kept you in the dark

Though I am not with you, I am saving you some sunshine

And when we meet, we will smile with our hearts open.

And we will embrace each other with the warmth of the sun

As the wind blows us kisses.

Though I am not with you, I am thinking of all the things I’m going to do to you once I do get to be with you ;)

Though I am not with you, I am the name in your prayers, as you are in mine.


I am counting down the seconds till I am in your arms.

I am thinking of you, always and wishing you were here with me


I am waiting for the time to be in the black box with 

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, 

with my eyes only on the single warm spotlight on an actor. 

Monologue. Liveness.


Pretending of what can be, when I meet you. :>

Though I am not with you, I am bearing the unbearable distance

Till we can give birth to a revolution


Though I am not with you, I am collecting our track marks with me, 

like a drug, the fleeting feeling with you stays, 

yet the memory of the prick camouflages among the mist of what ifs, drown


Though I am not with you, I am sharing the same essence of humanity as you, and in anonymity I whisper to the Almighty to gently cradle you through the rough storm.


Baking your favourite cake. The tea is still warm, 

there is still sunlight in the sky, we are waiting for you to come through the door.

Your voices are still Zooming its way through my earphones, siren wailing to the chaos in my brain, the pixels of your faces still close enough to touch reminding me love always finds a way

Not yet lost. I’m still in here somewhere, hugging you from within, gaining from this metaphysical touch what I am slowly losing physically. 


Though I am not with you, I am cooking as though you will be sitting across me at the dining table.

There is no longer a timeline for normalcy, and the “next month” of when 

We will see each other again is a pebble skipping across the surface

Until it drops into the water.


Though I am not with you, I am waiting until I am. Every day, every call, we are weaving a tapestry with the red thread tied around our fingers. Your voice at the end of the day is the only thing I look forward to when time seems to warp sunlight into bedtime and nightfall into daybreak.   


Though I am not with you, I am still the intention that make up the ink on your pages, smeared by pearly, salty tears;

the conspiracy you failed to console; 

the memory you wear, like a heavy coat, the luggage you bear

the only one who understands TS Eliot the way you do. 


Though I am not with you, I still live

between that space of is and ought

- the conspiracy you will never console. 


Though I am not with you, I am memories, happy, smile, happy, words, happy   


Though I am not with you, I am loving you and thinking of you from afar. Social distancing and hand hygiene, maybe what governments are emphasizing but all I can contemplate is the moment I can hold and hug you again… 

Though I am not with you, I am thinking fondly of Walls, the space that once was, the space that it now is online and the space we all will continue to think of in our hearts

Though I am not with you, I am keeping your clothes closer to me, saving all the touch I can get until we can exchange them again

my cells remember the memories we breathed into each other 


Though I am not with you, aku masih dihujung anak sungai rindu menuju kesedaran kolektif kerajaan tuhan atau apa-apa saje higher beings yang mendengar doa aku kepada infiniti antara kita ni


Though I am not with you, I am spending an evening in the poets’ bedrooms. If I can’t be outside with you, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

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