The Muruku Murmurations

I don't do well when I am sick.  That feeling when you're under the weather, It tends to put you in a crappy mood altogether, I guess it's  because of the pounding in my head, That makes me wish I was dead. I wish my nose would stop running, And my head would stop spinning, I wish my body would stop aching, And my throat would stop hurting. I wish this fever and cold would go away, I guess it's just one of those days, I don't normally fall sick but when I do, It's pretty much hell to go through. - JN 10.00am, 27/01/2016 (Thursday) Home, Kelana Jaya

There's a saying that you should never date a poet. This is probably why. Dedicated to all the poets out there who have ever been made to feel like their words are insignificant. They are not.  You think a poet's words are just words, Things we pen down in a heat of passion or fury, They fly off the page like a strong winged bird,  Judging you like a literary jury. You don't see that these words are written in blood, In tears we squeeze out from our heartache, You don't realize with every word we flood, A little piece of us it takes. We're melodramatic and wounded says you, Loudly brooding when there are better things to do, But do you feel that anguish in every syllable, Or of such feeling are you incapable? You'll move on long after breaking our hearts, And whisper sweet nothings into another foolish ear, But months later after we have part, The testament to our heartbreak will still be here. So go ahead, crush us &

Yes, I went the cliche route and wrote about celebrities.  I'd like to meet the cast of One Tree Hill, I'm pretty sure it would be the biggest thrill, It would also be the best day, I might even not know what to say. I'd like to meet Chad Michael Murray, Even if I only get to say hey. I'd like to meet Hilary Burton, And tell her that I love her a ton. I'd like to meet James Lafferty, Even though I know that after that he will not remember me. I'd like to meet Bethany Joy Lenz, Even if it's just a glance. Sophia Bush is also one I would like to meet, I would tell her that I think she's pretty neat. And although they hear this everyday, I'd tell them how they impacted my life in every way. I wish I could meet the whole cast, That would be a blast, But even if I only get to meet the original five, I'm pretty sure that would suffice, - JN 10.00pm, 25/01/2016 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Sometimes you wonder what a person was like before you met them. Stories that they tell you don't do them justice. Sometimes, you just have to had been there to truly understand.  I want to meet the you before all the scars, The one before you walked this road so far, I wanna meet you before you became all jaded & blue, Back to a time when your heart was pure & true. I want to see that person within in the flesh, One without all the irritation & without all the stress, The one who believed that out there could be love, Transport me back as a shadow or a dove. Maybe if I did then I could understand, How you came to be this kind of man, The experience might give me closure - who knows what it could do, But it would be so nice to see the less guarded side of you. If life was that easy it'd be such a ball, Unfortunately it's not like that at all, I could only meet you when it was time for me to do so, Really wish you didn't rip apart my hear

I could have wished to meet any celebrity, famous person or world changer but I chose to meet myself in different points of my life. All because I thought I could have changed something about my past or present. I never liked living in uncertainty but it is just something I need to accept. I wish I could meet myself... 50 years from now, Listen to all her stories, Where she has been, What she has done, Who she has become. To know the remorse and the regrets, The guilt and the hurt that etched her heart, The joys pleasures of life, That she indulged in, The surprises that thrilled her, As the years had passed since 2016. From her I would learn and discover, Of the things I should have done, The decisions I can make now, People that I could keep close, Also the ones to let slip away, Take action to prevent certain calamities. I wish I could meet myself, When I was only five, To tell her she was alright, There was no need to be silent, To continue bein

After a long battle of staying strong and staying alive, my grandfather's body had finally given up on him. I am thankful most of us got to see him one last time before he had left us and that he went peacefully without struggle. He gave me some fond memories and these are only just a few. In loving memory of my 'Akong'. There he was standing six feet tall, Tall and lanky stature, Rarely would he utter words, But when he did, people listened and it mattered. He would have his milky oats in the morning, Followed by a brisk walk along Gurney Drive, I would walk along side him, Watch the sunrise and mudskippers come alive. Almond milk or Milo was his breakfast drink, Along with Kuey Teow Th’ng everyday, Never would he miss the Chinese newspaper, To get updated with what the government had to say. Lunch at their regular caterer, Ah Huat’s Sundays are must have Fish Head Assam Curry, Secretly, his favourite place was actually Genting,

There are days when you swear you're going insane.  I've been told there's something wrong with me, They told me I should go therapy, I've been made to believe that I'm crazy, And after awhile. I started to agree. Everyday that's what they tell me, But maybe I'm just wired differently, Because you and I are not the same, you see, Or maybe the demons in my head have won finally. - JN 10.00am, 12/01/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

Babies are complicated creatures. As two 20-somethings, we try to figure out what they want, because we hear that communication is key, even though our ovaries aren't calling out to us to procreate just yet . Dear Child, why are you crying?  Just moments ago you were smiling. You can't be hungry, you've just been fed,  What needs of yours have I not met?  I see those crocodile tears in your eyes,  Your pain & anguish are adolescent lies,  I pick you up and show you that colourful mobile,  I know you will start giggling in a while. Your innocence is plain to see,  But don't think I don't realize that you're trying to manipulate me,  Within seconds your smile can turn into a frown,  And you'll demand loudly that I jiggle you up & down.  Seriously, there are only so many nursery rhymes,  No I won't let you watch Youtube one more time,  You can try self soothing instead,  But we know very well Grandma will ha

I've had my fair share of fake friends & people who just live to be on the surface. This is to them. I cannot imagine what it is like to be you. To fill my days with hipster events just to be seen as alternative and different, as opposed to really being different. To sit & constantly make up problems to make it seem like you’re a real person, with issues. To externally proclaim that you don’t judge, whilst internally judging everyone around you. To have such a high regard of yourself that every man who approaches is of standards too low. I don’t know how to be you. I don’t know how to live on artisan coffee and cake on a daily basis, and not get fat. I don’t know how to say I don’t care about my looks then spend all my time outside complaining about how ugly I look. I don’t know how to put on a smile and say “I’m here for you”, then roll my eyes the minute the person’s back is turned. I don’t know how to proudly proclaim singledom but not be com

For a long time, I wondered: Am I settling? Is this all? A friend once said," If you are still looking, you know you have not found the one." I don't feel the urge to settle down yet lest  with a person I can't see myself wake up next to every morning . It is time that I settle this. Is it right that I have to settle? For just what this is and that is all, That every day and week is a constant battle, To not be aggravated by your words or calls. I may be a strong young woman, Just because of that, Because I put up a front of 'yes I can' You do not show the need to protect. You do not go before me in unfamiliar territory, Neither do you keep up with my fast pace, You do not bother about my past and present history, Nor do you see that missed opportunities are a waste. To be away from the chaos that surrounds, I built up walls to find peace and solitude, It is my safe place and calming grounds, Also my block to contain my anger d

Inspiration can come from everywhere. I saw a quote in a friend's book and decided to write this based on that quote. The quote was "Live the life you love" Live the life you love, All the love you think you deserve, Whether you are having a bad day, Even when your blue skies are grey. Don't let people define you, Or change because of what you've been through, Stay true to who you are, Don't be defined by that scar. Don't let the bitter ones change you, If they do, bid them adieu, Live the life you love, Live the life you will be proud of. - JN 5.00pm, 02/01/2016 (Saturday) \ Cafe 123Gasing, Jalan Gasing

This came out of one of those days I was pushed to the edge of my sanity before the break down dawned upon me yet again. I'm counting down the hours again. Wondering what I can do pass the time faster, Having Owl City to keep my mind sane, Maybe with you I will continue to banter. Lost in the mind your weary soul may wander, Travel far, wide and yonder. There will come the time for you to come to roost, In the meanwhile give that creative mind of yours a boost. Try as I may to keep myself afloat, Feeling nauseous like I'm on a rocking boat, Word aren't fleeting like they used to be, Dry tap of words trickling out is I see. Medicinal care might be need for your affliction, But sometimes it just feels like fiction, Perhaps a rest in bed is what you need, Just lie down and grow like a weed. Away to the cafeteria I have gone to hide, On a bench under a canopy I will abide, The sound of falling rain soothes my heart, So shall this melanch

To all my friends (of which I have but a few), this is my oath to you. 1)       Despite how I feel about weddings, I will always make an active effort to be a part of your wedding, if you’re lucky enough to find someone who wants to spend the rest of your life with you. I will smile, put on make-up, a possibly ridiculous looking dress, make banners & props for your photo booth & if it comes to it, I will prevent you from bolting from your future. 2)       I will be there to celebrate and/or go through every milestone with you. I will endure you driving at 40km/mph when you first get your driver’s license, I will scream at you to finish up your last two reps at the gym when you first start working out, and I’ll plan lunches and dinners to celebrate all these milestones in your life. 3)       I will be there for you in times of adversity. When you feel like the lowest & most ultimate piece of shit, I will be there to tell you that you are not the piece of shit, l

We've only ever met once or twice on campus, but our friendship proves that bonds can be forged over the internet. I write this now late & with a fever, Dedicated to my favourite internet friend although I never see her, It is amazing how close you can get over talks on Messenger, For her happiness I will always be an Avenger. I don't know why some people cannot see, Just what a stellar human being she can be, She's super funny, extra quirky & rocks some pretty cool boots, And she looks good even on a commute. She deserves to date an actual Disney character, And suck face with people who will write her love letters, Her quest for lady love I always condone, And I always pray for the Universe to throw her a bone. So here's to you - one so far away, I hope reading this would have made your day, Despite never seeing you I love you big Steffie, You can always count on Messenger rants with me. - SB 12.10am, 12th January 2016 Ghetto HQ

For a friend who moved away but still keeps in touch. Thank you for being my favourite internet friend.  I remember a time we'd talk almost every day,                                             Sometimes we'd call each other just to say hey, But then we had to switch to MSN to say what we wanted to say, Because you had moved to the USA. Although we don't talk as often as we used to, And despite how far away you may be, I always make it a point to keep in touch with you, Maybe I'll come visit you someday, hopefully. - JN 10.30pm, 11/01/2016 (Monday) Home, Kelana Jaya

To my dear AD who has been with me despite the distance. Thanks to telephone lines and underwater fibre optics cables, this one is for you Back when the internet was freely accessible, When data was indispensable, I used to look forward to when you would come online, Just so I could ask you if you were fine. Though it wasn't a weekly affair, We still showed each other we cared. With random likes and wall posts Skype calls and MSN chats was what I liked the most Despite being in different continents, Our friendship grew instead of breaking apart into fragments, Years have passed since I last saw your face, But we were mindful still in our separate race. You will always be my favourite internet friend, May our friendship never end, Regardless if life makes us break or bend, Through cyberspace, my love I will always send. -SY 2134H 11th January 2016 Jalan Pahang

Many times I feel that there isn't enough time or I am pressed for time. Times have changed and time will continue moving regardless of you are ready for when the time comes. Unexpectedly, in a blink of an eye, The existence of yesterday is no more, That time is lost and has passed by, A measure of that moments at it's core. Undeniably, extinction creeps closer, Slowly, slithering into reality, Develops with the bad habits we foster, As humans go on to lose their humanity. Unfortunate, are the regrets of the past, Of jilted misconsumptions and plights, Forgiveness should not be kept for last, It is the solution to all the fights. Uncontrived, are the faults of our future, What we do now paves way for what comes later, Your choice determines the destination to your departure, Questions will oscillate between which way would be better. Unfold the sheets of untapped potential, Dust off the layers of procrastination, Time and talent are no

Everyone has their guilty pleasure. Whether you eat it out of a jar,               Take a shot of it at a bar, Or spread it on a slice of bread, It goes straight to your head. Whether you eat it baked in a cake, Add it to your milkshake, Or make a fondue, When you eat it, there is nothing you cannot do.         You can have it on the go,   Or have it nice and slow   You can put it on your ice cream as a topping,     It is great with almost everything. It is indeed a guilty pleasure, One that I will always treasure, It's safe to say I have it almost everyday,  And I have tried it in almost every way.  It makes everything better, Even when you're feeling under the weather, A little bit of Nutella goes a long way, It will even make your day. -  JN 5.30pm, 2/01/2016 (Saturday) Cafe 123Gasing, Jalan Gasing

AD and I were talking about how people have difficulty understanding the women and we came up with this piece. Would anyone be willing to pick up this book? Flip through her pages, beyond how the covers look, Is this book worth reading, is she of any good? Everyone is a book that is yet to be read and understood. She is an open book with too many chapters unfortunately, It just takes time to find a person who will read her precisely, Who can understand the language she is written in, It's hard to imagine where to start and begin. Oh I'm sure this book is filled with surprises one can imagine, Filled with excitement and mystery of where she has been, Take a peek and you'll never know what an adventure it will be! Surely an adventure as far as the horizons you can see. Yes, if only the reader is one who dares to dream, Extending deeper than the surface of what it seems, In dreams of wonders as everyday unfolds, Of beauty and endeavours of tales un

Inspired by that wonderful beginning of a relationship, the "getting to know you" time between two people when the attraction is unspoken & yet so evident. From the very beginning it was more hit than miss, From the conversation to the dancing it all looked like bliss, She smiled and engaged animatedly for the first time in a long while, He was smooth but not smug and I could tell she liked his style. He was a conversationalist and he fed her soul, The light in her eyes made me feel like she had struck gold, To finally be awakened from her daily dull slumber, I was so glad she was the only one who took his number. The days went by and she spoke of him more and more, He seemed to be texting her fairly regularly, There was chemistry on and off the dance floor, She liked that he could match her intellectually. I watch as she talks about him day after day, When I suggest there is affection she says no way, She strongly insists he is not

Thank you for giving me great memories.  There is a lesson in every memory, In the ones that put a smile on your face,       In the ones that were not so happy,     Even in the ones you wish you could erase. People come and go, That much I know, But all these memories I will keep with me Even as I sit here and sip my green tea. I cannot pick only one as there are so many,       Each memory is tied to a different individual, And that's what makes it special, So thank you for sharing these memories with me. - JN 7.15pm, 2/01/2016 (Saturday) Cafe 123Gasing, Jalan Gasing

You still reside in my memory, even till this day, I can't help it because you were both my favourite memory and the memory I wish I could forget. To you who gave me my favourite memories, The kinds I wrote endlessly in diaries, It couldn't be replaced with another memory, Just stored column and columns of past history. I would not unwrite it, I wished for more of it, I couldn't get enough of it, I addicted to it. Like a drug you were to me, A high I floated insanely, I lost sight of my priority, I didn't settle for mediocrity. That was in between four states, Now three years have passed as of late, Two years of fairy tales was all it was, One enduring ordeal full of remorse. My favourite memory you will always be, Archived with skeletons in my memory, Every day I still say good bye, To that bit of me the sort of died. - SY 17:52H 2nd January 2015 Cafe 123 Gasing

I've been blessed enough to have so many good memories to call favourites, I couldn't possibly choose just one. Here's to each & every one of you who have coloured my life in your very own unique shade.  To all the people throughout time, Friends and family who are all mine, So many memories you’ve given me, One favourite one there couldn’t possibly be. I think fondly of birthday parties throughout the years, The ones my mother threw & ensured I’d never be in tears, To surprises that friends got together to plan, Together we all made a very merry band. I think of all of the New Year’s Eves that have passed, Of fireworks and barbeques and boys with their cigarette tars, Of road trips planned at the last minute & drives in the dead of night, But because we were together there was no sense of fright. I think of quiet days spent with the people who cared, Of experiences so simple with these people I shared, Then there are big m

It is the New Year, what better way to celebrate it by writing about what got me into jump-starting 'The Muruku Murmurations'. During my first 'If Walls Could Talk' Open Mic, they asked us to write and share a piece inspired by the night. Here is mine. Shhh....Do you hear that? Is it me or do I hear voices, Whispers in the cold, crisp air, It fills my eardrums and empty spaces. Could it be? If walls could talk, I would listen word by word, As I stroll down the block. Curious I am, How much would they have to say? About life, people, love, death, Would they go on talking all day? Would they shout it aloud, Or whisper like little Casper, Would it be tales of the proud, Or gossip worthy scandals of the latter. For my self reflection, I wonder if my walls would talk to me, Share with me their observations, Maybe they will just talk and let me be. If walls could talk, The world would know all of history, As they were built with bloo

HAPPY NEW YEAR! A fresh start, a clean slate is what a new year brings. A chance to get rid of all the bad energy. May you rock 2016 and have a good year.  In the blink of an eye, A year has gone by, Let go of the bad memories, And all the pain and tragedies. In the blink of an eye, A year has gone by, Let go of all the hate, Choose happiness instead. In the blink of an eye, A year has gone by. It's a new dawn, a new day, it's a new year, So go out and live, have no fear. In the blink of an eye, A year has gone by, Happy New Year from me to you, May the force be with you too. - JN 11.25pm, 27/12/2015 (Sunday) Home, Kelana Jaya