six-thousand-kilometre thoughts

It was a tough time getting over an on-and-off "dating"-ish thing, especially because it was a LDR and I felt defeated when I could not control anything. So this was written in place of sending him a "I wish you were here" text, which I am thankful I didn't send.

I imagined this.

I imagined bodies plaited with sheets, with no beginning and end.
I imagined lying on your chest, hearing your heart beating in sync with mine.
I imagined tracing the creases of your body with the tips of my fingers.
I imagined being woken up by your ticking warm breath as it gently blew tiny strands of my hair on my face.
I imagined the smell of your cologne as I snuggled deeper into your neck for warmth.
I imagined looking up and kissing your scruffy beard, while you remain in deep sleep.
I imagined the smile on your face when you woke up, blinking repeatedly with squinted eyes, like it was a dream.
I imagined getting out of bed, only to be pulled back into the sheets, into you.

I imagined the inevitable end.

I imagined watching you as you packed your bags.
I imagined the drive to the airport, with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other tangled nervously between your fingers.
I imagined dry silences. We both braced ourselves. We knew this was coming.

I imagined hugging you one last time before you left.
I imagined choking on my breath, holding in my tears.
I imagined you disappearing behind the airplane gates, wishing it was the day before again, wishing for the day when I'd never have to see you leave.

Much time has passed and it's still in my mind, like a vivid dream.
You. With me.
Us. Our plans.
But, who was to know that your ‘always’ was not my ‘forever’.

- Vanessa



Despite having seen much suffering & injustice in the world, Vanessa Ee-Lyn Gomes still believes that her words can, someday, change people's lives for the better. She also believes that hugs are essential to make the world go 'round. Putting a tougher front as a journalist by day, she succumbs to being a hopeless romantic by night... though she knows Prince Charming is not on Tinder.

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