I'm Not Ready

This is a throwback to 2009, when my godfather relapsed yet again into cancer. This was the beginning of his final battle, and I wasn't very sure how to react or what to do. He meant the world to me, and in many ways he still does, and there will always be a void in my life where he should be. I miss you Dee, and I love you every day. 

I cannot tell you I know how the feeling,
Of enduring countless rounds of needles and chemo drugs,
Your long tiresome battle just to keep on living,
That cannot be cured by mere words and hugs...

I cannot describe your every pain,
As you struggle with every breath you take,
Though my affections do not wane,
Seeing you this way causes my heart to ache...

I can only say so many words of encouragement,
That soon sound empty to my own ears,
As every result reveals you are not really responding to treatment,
My faith and strength dissolves to fear that the time is near...

I fight within myself to stay strong,
More for you than for myself,
But my conviction doesn't hold for long,
With the decaying of your state of health...

I want to cry out "not so soon",
But I know it will be to no avail,
I wonder if you will make it to the next full moon,
When the moment will come - it's for God to entail...

People keep giving me facts and logic that my brain takes,
All to prepare me for that final goodbye,
But as I listen I hear also that my heart breaks,
And I know I will be shattered when you die.

- SB
14th July 2009, 11.36pm 
1A-01-08, Kolej Mawar


SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two. 

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