Alley Of Compensation

A decade had passed since I first walked down the alleys of down town KL, when I was in my first year or medical school. I walk down these alleys again after a year of being in Medicine, I had realised how much I have changed since then.

I walked down this quiet alley,
About ten years ago,
My thoughts back then and now do not tally,
As ten years passed, I did grow.

A decade ago, I watched the stray cats scurry about,
Listen to the rustling of the leaves,
I was filled with uncertainty and doubt,
Unsure of what I should believe.

I had the energy to be hopeful,
My pace was quick with excitement 
I was innocent and joyful,
Unharmed by life's upcoming detriments

Now, I notice Ah Chai's workshop sign,
I remember that my car is overdue for servicing,
I smell the stench of the humans that reside,
Homeless, filthy, drugged and starving.

The crows in the trees peering down,
I avoid the risk of being their target practice,
Traffic and fumes that intoxicate downtown,
As people drive recklessly with malice.

Back in my youth, immature and uncensored,
I would wear my heart on my sleeve,
Unafraid of consequence and would easily surrender,
Cracking under pressure and short lived.

Now, I straighten my back,
Hide that limp with a strong gait,
Compensate for the lack,
Hold my tongue and quietly wait.

I hold the gut wrenching fear in my heart,
Captive with the tears I cannot cry,
Insanity and functionality you cannot tell apart,
A fake smile becomes my every day lie.

There is only so much I can do,
In order to keep going and hold on,
Relentlessly I try and not subdue,
To survive through the night till the break of dawn.

Do not ever let them see,
DO NOT EVER let them see it get to you,
You have to go on and let it be,
No matter what ever you end up having to do.


- SY
10:10H 12th March 2016
Nilai
SY is a 'Jacqueline of all trades' who loves wearing plaids.
She doesn't believe in things that fade and fulfills the promises that she made.
She seeks the hearts of the troubled, to be a listener in times when things are doubled.
She's the kind who stands in the gap, who will only call it quits when it's a wrap.

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