The Things I Will Never Say Pt.1

When you're on the receiving end of a break, it's difficult. No, it's difficult for both sides. But when you're forced to sit & wait on a decision, your brain kind of goes into overdrive, and you go into shambles. There are so many things you want to say, but never will. So instead, you write them down, and call it poetry. 

I cried after you left today.
It felt like a bomb had gone off in my chest.
The pain hit me the minute the door closed, and I cried for a good two hours.

I went to dinner and made aggressive jokes.
I shouldn't have been so mean but I was.
I decided to take out my anger on apples and cut fruits in a mildly violent manner.

I came home & felt really lost.
My heart was aching for you and I was trying my best to ignore it.
I couldn't.

I decided to watch Rent and cry at Adam Pascal singing for Rosario Dawson instead.
You are the Roger to my Mimi, and without you, much like Mimi,
I will only know the lonely colour of blue.

At about 130am I decided to check your last seen on WhatsApp.
You had been online a mere four minutes ago.
I know tonight I will not get a text or a call goodnight.
 And that pierces through my heart once again.

I am not sure if I will sleep well tonight, if I sleep at all.
I feel like a sitting duck, in all my uncertainty and devastation.
You have ruined me.

I am waiting for a phone call to make me whole again, or the sight of your face.
I don't know when either will come.
But I will sit and wait, anyway.

Fuck you. It's okay.

- SB
1.54am, 13th Sept 2015
Ghetto HQ


SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Swinging From Memory To Memory

Of recent adventures and endeavours I realised how much I liked to swing . This is how I wing it at swing. Hope this is as much fun reading as it was writing. When I was young, as memory recalls, My mum would take us out to play, We sometimes 'hang gai-gai' at nearby malls, Or go to McDonald's to eat during the day. On the weekdays when we would get the chance, To get some fresh air at the playground, Every kid would have one thing in their glance, We would race for the swings or run around. As I grew older I had a few favourite animations, One was from Jane Goodall's favourite book that became many adaptations, Tarzan swinging from vine to vine was all it took, For us nature lovers to love apes and get hooked. And then came along the 'All American Rejects' Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of my heart, Listening to that song had relieving effects, Cause any rejected crush made me fall apart. I remember there were days that w
Read more

This Is Malaysia

Recently Swit Marie has gotten more active on the HitRECord platform and started working on new material and collaborations. This was definitely the highlight of 2020 for her years of writing in the past few years. Reaching an international audience and being part of a community of creatives through this project involving over 180 contributors. The piece that was submitted for the This Is Malaysia video by HitRECord was derived from Dragon Tail . This Is Malaysia  final script remixed by Matt Conley from 8 contributors. This I s Malaysia video. The morning sun greets the mist of the hills, Joy seeps into my lungs as the morning dew kisses my cheeks, Peppercorn scents sing melodies of what the day could be. Waking up to the clouds embracing the mountain ranges This is where my heart belongs My fingertips touch the sparkle in the air made by the sun rays that love the mist My shoulders rise with the lightness of the sunrise. A symphony of swallows sifting through the clouds, Murmuratio
Read more

2020

I  wrote this on the flight travelling back to Malaysia in 2020, leaving Australia after what would have been the last time I see the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was observing the people around me, it was an 8 hour flight with a lot of turbulence, who would have know that 2020 would be that kind of year as well. It is funny how things tell you of what will come in its own little ways. Looking around absorbing the sensations to accommodate my body to my surroundings, Infusing my skin with lavender and chamomile to soothe the tension in my muscular fibres.   On my left, a rubik cube frantically trying to solve itself It is but a process of working out possible solutions and running through know standard operational patterns Constant rotations occur and in mere minutes the puzzle is solved.   On my right, two European centurians ecstatic to journey to a new land Partners in life and adventurers ready for new horizons just above the equator They see spirits an
Read more