The Things I Will Never Say Pt.2

When you're on the receiving end of a break, it's difficult. No, it's difficult for both sides. But when you're forced to sit & wait on a decision, your brain kind of goes into overdrive, and you go into shambles. There are so many things you want to say, but never will. So instead, you write them down, and call it poetry. Sometimes, it requires two parts.

I woke up this morning & like a wave the pain hit me, except it didn't wash over me.
It knocked me over then lingered in the cracks of my heart.
I decided I would try everything to go back to sleep, because being awake & hurt was too much to handle.

I dreamt I was looking for you. I tried everything to find you but I couldn't.
I convinced myself I had to because you had my cell phone and my purse, and when people asked me why I had given them to you I didn't have an answer.
"I just did. He asked, so I gave it to him."
I didn't find you in the end, it turns out you left.

I woke up the second time teary eyed.
I stare at your last seen on WhatsApp wondering how the wedding is going & what you'll be doing in that buffer time you were supposed to be spending with me.
I wish I could call & ask you to come be with me, but that wouldn't be giving you space & it is unfair.

I want so badly to call.
But I can't.
I have to give you time and space.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.
I am willing you to please just decide whether you want to be with me and put me out of this misery. Everything tells me to call, for my own sake.
But because I love you, I don't.

- SB
2pm, 13th September 2015
Ghetto HQ


SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two. 

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