Once your heart has been obliterated, you never really come out the other side quite the same. Words that use to tantalize you and thrill you and make you smile coyly now just get an eyeroll. This poem is about rejecting any new idea of romance, because you're not ready, you're still hurting and you're emotionally unavailable.
"I think you are amazing & really pretty."
Once upon a time that would have earned you a heartfelt "Aww",
but these days every semblance of romance must be met with suspicion.
You cannot trust these boys whose brains are emotionally misplaced,
Replaced by an organ not so close to their face.
I see you trying, you're texting me regularly,
It's great, you're funny & you use the apostrophe correctly.
But you can dot all the i's and cross all the t's,
I know if I let you, four months down the road you'll bring me down to my knees.
And no, no way, I am barely surviving,
Scratched up and bruised my heart is every day that I am trying,
To hang on to what is left of my depleting sanity,
All because a man could not offer up some clarity.
Relationships take two, I know and I can see that you want it,
But boy don't decide, then in months just turn on it,
See I've been there, left behind with only my rhymes,
So boy even with that smile I say "No not this time!"
My heart is mine, whatever is left of it anyway,
And no the answer ain't different be it Tuesday or Saturday,
So please boy just get your cards off the table cos as far as I'm concerned,
I am emotionally unavailable.
12.12am, 30th Sept 2015
SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two.