The Muruku Murmurations

This piece is to honor my sister, as we've been through thick and thin in life & she has always been amazing support. I was inspired by Andy Mineo's Hear My Heart, and felt it is due time to honor my sister, before time runs out. You were born before me, 3 years apart but you looked after me, When mum & dad were busy, Preoccupied being crazy. You were there keeping it cool, Guiding us from being fools, I remember how you thought me how to buy onions, While mum was hospitalized, tears flow by the millions. You warned me about women, But I was stubborn & joined the foolish men, I learnt the error of my ways, Even then you loved me anyways. You put shoes on my feet, Which made my bad days sweet, Even when you got married, You are busy but always got us what we need. Man... I am super blessed, To have you when my life is a mess, Grateful to have you as my sister, The one who took the role of a mother & father. I'm sorry a better brot...

People say you accept the love you think you deserve. In all my flaws & complexities, I realized I've gotten used to being loved very little, in small bits & pieces. Do I deserve this? Probably not. But am I used to it? Well.. Love me a little, Not too much or just enough, Love me in the minimal amount, Sparingly & don't be too tough. Give me an hour of your time, Or if you're generous maybe two, Then never call again for days, Because you have so many other things to do. Send me a text or maybe three, Laden with emojis & that unique charm, Only to ignore my replies for days to come, And when I've almost forgotten, send another text to me. Hold me close just for a while, A brief hug that isn't brief at all, But then avoid looking me in the eye, Or holding my hand in the car or in malls. You see, I used to love too much too soon, Even when people up & left, When they came back I just kept loving them, But they never staye...

To mankind. This goes out to all mankind, Because you always pester my mind, Some days you restore my faith in humanity, Most days, you make me question your sanity. You pester my mind, Yet the answers I do not find, Sometimes I wish I didn't live on this planet, This poor place that we take for granted. What have we done to this world? We've destroyed it even before her beauty can unfurl, Our land and trees are being destroyed everyday, Don't even get me started on how we're just killing animals, ok? We destroy lives like they mean nothing, Is it truly disgusting, We pretend like they don't matter, When we see that blood splatter. Some turn a blind eye, They hide away instead of standing up for what they believe in, And refuse to fight for justice till the end, They'd rather keep silent than die. So this one goes out to all mankind, Because you always pester my mind, It's sad because humanity can be so beautiful, It's sad t...

Sometimes the cobwebs in our minds are woven by the most undeserving people. This is to one of my cobwebs. You do not deserve any more of my words, And yet here I am writing yet another verse about you. You do not deserve to occupy any space in my brain, Yet some days the cerebrum can't help but stir you up. You do not deserve to live in songs I so love, Yet as I belt them out I see your face belting them too. You do not deserve the friends we share, Yet when you take them for granted there I am consolidating. There are many things you so do not deserve that you do not see, Amongst them is this very small hold you have on me. - SB 4.11pm, 29th March 2016 Ghetto HQ

The person who disturbs me frequently would be none other than my very familiar friend, Insomnia. Insomnia stricken, Consumed by desire, The plot thickens, Unable to rest or retire. Revolting habits, Undignified comments, Toxic and rabid, Unimportant laments. Reclined and awake, Manic eyes to the stars in the sky, Wired by a bad mistake, Discarded two-plies. Trapped and alert, Conscious and unsound, Lost in the voices of the dessert, Imaginations unbound. Words of the hopeless, Resound like beating drums, Actions of the reckless, Conversations of the slums. Ripped from reality, Submerged in fantasy, Obtuse from clarity, A state of rarity. Slumber called, Mind engaged, Slowly the mind stalled, Caressed by the deranged. Lethargy creeps in, Insomnia persisted, Sleep called from within, But forcefully resisted. - SY 11:23H 24th March 2016 Non Existent Dreams

If candy made the world go round...Hrmm.... What if candy was the world! Take me on a trip, on a sweet escape, To the land where Crunch makes gravel road so sturdy, Where M&Ms paved the streets of the Empire State, Street lamps lined with Skittles so brightly. Kit Kat stacked neatly as brown pickett fences, Twix as pillars, strong with their biscuity frame, Sneakers that make great porch benches, Sugus hold everything together just the same. Toblerone triangular bricks built houses, Melted Mars bars forming strong cement, Hershey chocolate to smoothen the creases, Carbury Chocolate make beautiful mouldings on pavements. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups rotate like tire swings, Tic Tics that colour the roof tiles, Starbursts flower the trees of the south wing, Smarties pebble the ground for endless miles. Crunchie honeycomb stained glass windows, Sour stripes make beautiful velvety curtains, Gummy bears are my tour guides to follow, Malteasers be or...

In honour of World Poetry Day on 21st of March 2016,  a poem on poetry and poets.  Writing a line or two, Is not a difficult thing to do, Writing a poem or three, Is as difficult as difficult can be.   When it comes to poetry,                 It can be long, short or anyway you want it to be, It will give you all the feels, Even if you're a man of steel.       Poetry makes me happy, And poetry let's me be who I want to be, Poetry has changed me, For that I thank thee.                       Poetry has ruined me, For it has shown me how beautiful words can be, I even have dreams about poetry, That's how much poetry has an effect on me. Poets, here's to you, The ones who write as a form of therapy, The ones who are called crazy, The ones who write to make sense of what they're going through. Here's to you, The ones who bleed out their feel...

Sometimes, getting a person out of your system is a simple ten-step programme.  Mantoxing, a 10-step programme to cleansing yourself of the male species. Step One Identify, over bottomless tostada chips, that a man has indeed treated you like shit. Consolidate this with salsa and a second opinion by a female companion with wine. Step Two Order buffalo wings to complement the wine and chips. Keep Gaviscon handy because this is going to be gastronomical. *Warning: Do not keep liquid Gaviscon in handbag. It will spread in the bag and people will think it is jizz. Step Three Reminisce about the man’s quirks and cute butt (Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm!) whilst internally debating between molten lava cake and a sizzling chocolate chip cookie. Settle instead for an Oreo-topped molten cake and another glass of wine. Step Four Play peek-a-boo with the cute little baby in the next booth. Start wishing you had your own… and wonder if you will ever have kids of your own. ...

As you get older you realize Prince Charming only exists in fairytales. Even when you meet a real-life version of them, look out for that flaw (and yes, there definitely will be a blinding flaw), because if you don't, you're going to hurt yourself on a fantasy.  You're big & tall and sweet as hell, Honey drips from the words you tell, From another mouth it would sound cliché, But charm comes across with every word you say. I once fell hard & was smitten by you, For a while it seemed like you were interested in me too, But your first love was always your work, In your mind thoughts of me didn't even lurk. I thought maybe we would get a second chance, How could I not when you throw me that glance, I hear the "I miss you" & I think maybe this time, But once again I am reduced to subdued rhyme. Tong Hua was a song & that's all it is, I am still at the bottom of your list, Charming as you are fairytales are a lie, You'r...

Depression is a prison that has kept me captive since a young age. Thoughts, memories and emotional attachments that run amok in my subconscious plague my conscious mind countless amounts of times. Enough.  You plague me with my past memories, You haunt me with the future that will not be, I react as precisely as clockwork, You wind me with higher intensities, I break and crack with misery, I see you in the shadows where you lurk. You inhabit in my mind's darkest lobes, I have let you trouble me long enough, I need not wait till I am dead, You know I will play it rough, You have heard what I have said, I will kick you to the curb till you hit the road. You are no longer my prison, You cannot keep me captive anymore, I am not for your entertainment, I am not your plaything like before, I will not give you permission. You are not permanent. - SY 19:46H 7th August 2016 Kelana Jaya

Also known as 10 Things I Hate About You.  I hate that you walked away without a second glance, Like I didn't deserve a chance, You just decided to take flight, Like I wasn't even worth the fight. I hate that you made me believe we could have worked through it all, You made me believe enough to break down my walls, And just as I broke free from my insecurities, You pulled the rug from under me. I showed you the most vulnerable side of me The side of me that no one has ever seen, When I broke down in your arms that one night, I hate that you held me and said, "I'm here and I'm going to hold you tight." I hate that I sometimes check my phone, Hoping your name would light up the screen with an I miss you, And you'd tell me that without me, you feel so alone, Maybe you'd tell me what a big mistake you made too. I hate that you made me crave for you, And made me long to say "I do," Even though I was scared out of my mind, ...

The most painful thing is when your pain is dismissed by the person who is causing it. More often than not, this is the case though. I wrote this at the pinnacle of a heartbreak, when the person who was breaking my heart wasn't bothered at all. May none of you ever have to live through such a thing, but even if you do - just know you will survive. Wait. He said it like it was so easy. "This isn't all about you. What's the rush? Why can't you just wait?" I was quiet. I didn't know how explain to him that every minute I was conscious reminded me that he was out there, existing, laughing, feeling, without me. I didn't know how to describe how I felt pieces of my heart breaking. Slowly. Painfully. Breaking off from the whole entity, and falling off. Small chips of them, scattered and rattling around my rib cage as I sobbed. How do I tell him it has been two weeks of agony. Two weeks of pushing on, smiling at people, telling them I would be alri...

My love, my go to quick fix for my every right and wrong, my affair, you have been with me through thick and thin, you really are my cup of tea. C harming and quaint are you, my dear, H ow I would love to spend my time with you, A moment to inhale your captivating scent, M ove me gracefully into a state of relaxation. O nly you can take me away from my fears, M ild, tender, sweet and fair in hue, I will always think you are heaven's sent, L et me be alone with you to get my satisfaction. E very morning, day and night, T aste you endearingly with every mouthful, E njoy you intensely with all my delight, A s you calm my being when I am doubtful. - SY 02:45H 12th March 2016 61 Wong Clan

When I am lying in bed or having trouble sleeping, I tend to think about what I would say to you and all the things I would tell you. I swear I'm not crazy.  Sometimes I listen to the songs that remind me of you, The ones we used to dance to, You'd pull me in close and we'd sway to the beat, You thought it was cute when I accidentally stepped on your feet. Sometimes I remember the way you looked at me, And the way you made me feel, Sometimes I remember how you used to sing, Just to keep me laughing. Sometimes I replay that day, I'd think of what I could have said to make you stay, I'd tell you that we could have gotten through it, And that I thought we were worth it. It still hurts when I think of you, But it's something I'm working on getting through, That gut wrenching feeling is not completely gone, But I'm slowly starting to move on. You taught me that I shouldn't hide my fears, And that I should conquer them even if it lea...

Selamat Datang! Kuala Lumpur says and the city welcomes me with crows. They are black birds. I like to think of them as crows. They remind me of something as primal as death as they queue on the telephone lines at Pasar Seni. Crows eat everything including carcass of rice-field rats. This I’ve seen from the village where I was born. You said a mouse bit your toe while you are in India in one of its strange cities whose name I can’t recall. You said you don’t know what to do with the mouse and I wished you were a crow so you could eat the mouse. Did you know, my cousin learned to feed house mice? She owes her wisdom from our gone Lola: “Feed the mouse so they don’t bite you. And talk to them too.” Now, my cousin works abroad. She said the city she’s in is so clean. She’s been there for a year and she has not seen a mouse except Ratatoulie and Mickey Mouse. She cannot feed the television or the stuffed toy. At home, in the Philippines, and in India where you ...

Another Mysteries of Laura inspired poem. Was trying to channel Laura's inner voice in this one, because pretending to be in someone's head can be quite fun. Especially when it is a fictional character.  The effect you have on me, Is not something I can go see the doctor for. It's a tragic euphoric feeling, As you stride in & out like my life is a revolving door. I would not say you were my favourite drug, Because this is not an addiction. You can go to rehab for that, This is more like an affliction. My heart aches for you whenever you're gone, And out of nowhere I can suddenly weep, Memories of your smile leave me forlorn, And I wish once again that you were nearer to me. There is no substitute for that charming face, And these feelings I don't have for anyone else, For months you disappear without a trace, And yet in just a few hours you sweep me off my feet. I sing endless hours of songs that remind me of you, And I belt them out loud ...

You broke my heart into a million pieces.  Our relationship was not of the ordinary, In fact it was over before you even knew me, But you broke my heart the hardest,   Even so, I still think you're awesome regardless.                                                                     You made me fall head over heels, You gave me way too much feels,         Most of the time, I just couldn't deal, Sometimes I'd even let out a squeal.                                       You broke my heart, Before anything could even start, I held on to your every word that impacted me in every way,                     So I don't think it is just a ph...

You expect relatives to be around forever, and then they leave & suddenly it's like a bomb went off in your universe. No boy or man could ever hurt you this way, and months later you're still trying to pick up & move on.  I never saw it coming, I never would have guessed, But so stand the fact, That one day you just up & left. You were there my whole life, I didn’t even know it was possible, You were family & that is supposed to forever, And yet out the door you just went. At first I was shocked, I didn’t know what to do, But it wasn’t about me, It was about cleaning up after you. You thought the relationship was between two people, But how was that possible when you’re in every damn family photo, You’re in all the Carpenter songs I know the words to, And in my favourite TV show. I’d love to say I hate you, But I really don’t, I want to say “how could you”, But I already know. So I hope you’re happy, And I hope it was worth it, Beca...

When I think about us, songs play in my head and vice versa. This letter poem can only be 'Songs of You'  that I wish I could stop singing. Songs are mere tunes on the radio, They have meaning and soul, Some funk to beats we all know, A few mellow but others bold. Every song has it's melody, Beats and notes in harmony, That was what you taught me, You and me, made a beautiful symphony. Songs were ridiculously important, You played a tune for every moment, Made me feel intensely relevant, You made each memory potent. It could have been jazz or pop, Techno, EDM or slow rock, You had moves to go with every head bop, Endless new songs to surprise me from your stock. After you, those songs remained, Songs from Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Owl City's lyrics ingenious and plain, They persisted unlike our relationship status. You made me a lyrical mess, Every note goes off pitch, Trailing words I would confess, But in no way could I cure th...

I was on the KTM feeling kind of hungry and thinking of my favourite things to cook.  So I cooked up this poem just for you. Be my salt and pepper, Elevate me to be something better, For without you I am bland, Put some flavour into my pan. Be my thyme and rosemary, That extra layer of savoury, Don't just leave me flat, You can improve my recipe just like that. Be the oregano to my parmesan, You know that is the taste that I want, Goes so well with the basil, Tantalise my taste buds with your appraisal. Trail my plate with parley and leek, Be the freshness that I seek, More than garnish you can be, You complete that empty part of me. A dish so plain as myself, Excite me with the spices on your shelf, Add a little sour and spice, To compliment my sweet till its nice. - SY 14:45H 23rd December 2015 Templar St.

So this sparked from a show I randomly stumbled upon. I can't remember the name of the show but it was based on people who are obsessed with weird things and they call this group of people to help them with their obsession.  "911 what's your emergency?" "Hello from the other side, Maybe in you I can confide, I have a secret obsession, Please do not ask me any questions. My obsession is not of the ordinary, You might even think I'm crazy, But my obsession is not something to be disregarded at petty, In fact, it's starting to become scary. With my obsession, choices are aplenty, But the high ones will be the death of me, I get so excited when I am in the zone, Thankfully they give us a room of our own. I have tried to quit,             I have even gone to rehab, I admit, But nothing seems to work,   Maybe its one of my quirks. I'm calling because I have no choice, I am pretty sure soon I will lose my voice, I am obsessed wi...

Psst...   Another collaboration piece. Can I tell you a secret? Promise me that you will keep it, It won't be something you would regret, Do tell, what is it? It is something I can't get of my mind, It is something that is hard to find, I will slowly share it in these lines, Oh! A full poem? That is fine. Maybe? We'll see where it goes, Depends on how you reply, nobody knows, So how do you want to play? Anything else you want to say? Playing with you is what I like to do, Maybe I will just keep giving you clues, Clues they may be and what lies within, It remains a mystery of what could have been. In the darkness none can be seen, It's is some thing we always can't wait to begin. Depends what awaits to start, At times one does not have the spark. Sparks there are but star struck I am not, It's always something we look forward to a lot. The times spent is always treasured, And most assuredly with pleasure. Pleasure is...

Writer's block really sucks. Getting inspired at the wrong time also sucks, because you can't do anything about it. This is to all the writers out there who has gone through this.  You feel it. The thoughts are flowing, the ideas are sparking a fire within your brain & bits and pieces of the sentences are forming. But. You're driving. Or worse - you're in the shower. Lathered up & soapy and worst of all - without a pen or paper. You try to hold onto it.  You wash & dry off as fast as possible & drive quickly BUT safely to your destination and you promise yourself when you sit down you will immediately, IMMEDIATELY regurgitate your thoughts. You sit down. You open a Word document. Or a new Note on your phone. Or just flip to a new page in that new notebook you absolutely did NOT have to get. Nothing.  You close your eyes, trying your very best to get the words all back.  The ideas, the flow, that ONE sentence. ...

For International Women's Day, I celebrate the strengths and truths about women who have gone through life and survived. A reminder that despite what you encounter in life, you are still a victor.  In a battle of ploys and violence, Manipulation and the force of silence, To you who have admitted defeat, You were not strong enough, But! You are not weak. When put on trial to test your limits, Having to succumb to demands that you can't commit, To you who have failed, You were unable to to rise to the occasion, But! You are driven with ambition. Down to your last possession, Letting go in order to survive recession, To you who have sacrificed, You have been short-changed, But! You are not poor. When opportunity turns into disadvantage, In terms of manipulation and rage, To you who have lost, You may be scar and damaged, But! You are whole.' From high places and privileged lives, Or the slums and grimy lies, To you who have fallen, Never...

In lieu with International Women's Day, I decided to write to a woman who I think is one of the greatest singers of all time, Whitney Houston.  Your voice was amazing, Your grace was astounding, Your music was what I grew up listening to, Mostly when I was feeling blue. What was it like being a celebrity? Was it as crazy as it's made out to be? Did it ever get to you? Did it make you want to bid the fame adieu? Was it all you had hoped for? Was it everything you wanted and more? There are a lot of questions I want to ask you, Whitney Houston, you are someone I wish I could talk to.       - JN 3.00pm, 8/3/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

I couldn't pick a specific woman to write to, there have been too many who have inspired me with their stories & actions. Some I've known personally, some from history, some I've only seen on TV. But they've all been important, and they've all been relevant. So here is to them, to all the women.  To the women who have passed, Who paved the way for miniskirts, votes, and short hair, For girls in university lecture halls & for pregnant women in the workplace, I thank you. To the women no longer here, Who washed linens, cooked lunches and mothered, Who scolded and beat their children then wiped away their tears, I thank you. To the women who were assaulted, By uncles, cousin brothers & strangers, And then were told it was their fault, I am sorry. To the women who were defeated, By patriarchy in the form of culture or religion, Interpreted by men whose minds were too small, I am sorry. To the women who were glammed up, With makeup ...

Spag and meatballs is one of my favourite dishes to cook. Here is a recipe written like poetry. Enjoy! Here is a recipe for a rich, wholesome dish, You could use any meat, maybe even fish... Spaghetti and meatballs, A yummy dish fit for all! This will feed a small party, Assuredly they will be filled and hearty, Get about a kilo of meat, The beef and chicken combo can't be beat. Debone and mince it all finely, Add salt and pepper, sparingly, Mix in some oregano, thyme and basil, Just a little so you wouldn't feel frazzled. Add a heap tablespoon of flour, Marinate for a good one hour, As you wait, get a pot of water boiling, Toss in a handful of garlic and onion for flavouring. Roll the meatballs to a medium size, Too big a ball will be your demise, Drop them slowly into the pot, Don't you worry, it can handle a lot. Once it's cooked, drain them out, Take heed of the heat or you will get burned and shout, Cool the meats and simm...

I was watching this show called Rizzoli & Isles and Isles had a poetry assignment titled "The Opposite Of Me."I thought it was an interesting topic so here's my take on the meaning of "The Opposite Of Me"  She is kind to her parents, And knows they are heaven sent, She appreciates her brothers, Because she realizes how much they love her. Taking chances everyday, Not caring about the things that get in her way, She's not afraid of not having the words to say, And her feelings she's not afraid to display. She's not affected by things easily, And doesn't take things personally, Because she knows sometimes people can be mean, And not what they seem. As diminutive as she may be, She doesn't take shit from anybody, You mess with her, I'd be scared for you, If only you knew what this girl can do. This girl is happy with who she is, Although she is a little miss, This girl is the opposite of me, She is the girl I wan...

This is a piece of writing about how easy one could be truthful in those magical hours of post-midnight. Some time in between, infatuation crept up, too.  The occasional talks-yang panjang-panjang,  dan sering mengenai romantisisme (and I say that word too often)  tentang kampung,  kawan-kawan  dan  sungai di belakang rumah.  Dengan bahu berselilisih kau dan aku mungkin pernah bertukar soalan-soalan canggung tentang  asal usul,  how I got that accent,  how you got so fun at parties,  the things you once said are often forgotten,  dan selalunya kau berjalan dalam tidurmu.  Aku boleh katakan malam-malam begini selalunya memusuhi kita  - we are more familiar than ever, and these late nights are never fair.  Pada malam ini, siapa tau kau juga akan jadi sepertiku - telah lebih awal tergoda dengan kesunyian. Sarungkanlah selimut,  kerana terlalu banyak kebenaran dalam kedingi...

Inspired by the quirky relationship of Jake Broderick & Laura Diamond, of the TV show The Mysteries of Laura. Some people come in and out of your life so often it feels like you're a revolving door, and you wish for them to be a constant, even though you know it isn't really possible.  I wait in anticipation for you, Every time. The uncertainty of never knowing when I will see you next, I don't mind. I think I'm okay, I go out & do things & meet people, Then comes the fateful day, You show up at my doorstep with a fresh shave. I love that you do it, That little thing just for me, People wouldn't know, These things about you only I see. As I sit across from you we talk & you laugh, And I'm once again overwhelmed by that bursting feeling, Suddenly breathing is an act so tough, But I keep it together as we talk about our children & the weather. It is a whirlwind, a free fall, all at once, I try to reel it in but it is way...

I admit that I judged you and it was based on your first impression too. I apologize for judging you, Because it's not what I normally do, But I never did have an option, So I judged you based on your first impression We met through my ex boyfriend, The two of you were supposedly best friends, But you'd flirt with him in front of me, And claim that's how you both have always been. When things got rough between him and I, You would try to get him to break up with me and not try, Right up until today, I still think you had a part in the break up in some way. It was wrong of me to judge you, And I guess it was pretty rude, But you never did anything to prove me wrong In fact all you did was prove that I was right all along.       - JN 10.00am, 1/3/2016 (Tuesday) Home, Kelana Jaya

To someone I am gladly wrong about, who is such a force of graceful nature I couldn't be prouder to call her my friend & join my name with hers. To the Vanessa in the #shenessa.  You are the girl I first heard about, He'd always enthusiastically talk about you, It raised a lot of my self doubt, Especially when he told me about the cool things you do. He was excited for us to meet but I worried all the same, I am not the biggest girls gal there is to find, Other than what he told me I only knew your name, He said we'd get along because you were also slightly out of your mind. Came the day we stumbled upon each other & the first thing you did was give me a huge embrace, Any heart of stone would melt seeing your incredibly friendly face, We immediately bonded over Lang and geeked out over her upcoming book. Those two hours together was all it took. Fast forward to when the boy decided I was no longer for him, And while he had left me feeling pretty gr...

You are a pleasant surprise and wonderful company. Thank you for being my 'Surrogate Friend'. This one is for you, Wolf! Midweek, out of randomness, There was swing at a dimly lit pub, Eyes with a little playfulness, From a guy with multiple studs. We stood two by two, He smiled and said hello, Shook my hands loose, I'm thinking, 'What's up with this fellow?' He takes the lead, One, two, triple step, Tries to get me up to speed, Then repeats another rep. He's got some attitude, A charm about himself, Bad-assery in solitude, He goes in and out with stealth. He dances with everyone, The regulars and the fresh faces, Though he has moves to stun, He will slow it down a few paces. His wit and coy rather relieving, But this fellow has an honest heart, He will always keep you believing, Down to earth even from the start. Depth of speech like the Grand Canyon, Chilled out and filled with wisdom, With enough support ...