The Things I Tell You In My Head While I'm Trying To Fall Asleep.
When I am lying in bed or having trouble sleeping, I tend to think about what I would say to you and all the things I would tell you. I swear I'm not crazy.
Sometimes I listen to the songs that remind me of you,
The ones we used to dance to,
You'd pull me in close and we'd sway to the beat,
You thought it was cute when I accidentally stepped on your feet.
Sometimes I remember the way you looked at me,
And the way you made me feel,
Sometimes I remember how you used to sing,
Just to keep me laughing.
Sometimes I replay that day,
I'd think of what I could have said to make you stay,
I'd tell you that we could have gotten through it,
And that I thought we were worth it.
It still hurts when I think of you,
But it's something I'm working on getting through,
That gut wrenching feeling is not completely gone,
But I'm slowly starting to move on.
You taught me that I shouldn't hide my fears,
And that I should conquer them even if it leaves me in tears,
It was the confidence you had in me,
And how you only referred to us as we.
You made me feel like I was worthy of love,
Even from the big man above,
You taught me to not doubt myself,
And that the world would love to see me out of my shell.
It never occurred to me that you weren't ready,
You had gotten your heart broken one too many times,
And you never really healed properly,
So maybe it was not your fault, but mine.
When you told me you loved me,
It was like I had won the lottery,
But I didn't see, that in being with me,
You thought you'd be healed.
Now it all makes sense to me,
I wish I could have realized sooner,
But I won't put the blame on each other,
Thank you for reminding me to be someone gutsy.
Sometimes I listen to the songs that remind me of you,
The ones we used to dance to,
You'd pull me in close and we'd sway to the beat,
You thought it was cute when I accidentally stepped on your feet.
Sometimes I remember the way you looked at me,
And the way you made me feel,
Sometimes I remember how you used to sing,
Just to keep me laughing.
Sometimes I replay that day,
I'd think of what I could have said to make you stay,
I'd tell you that we could have gotten through it,
And that I thought we were worth it.
It still hurts when I think of you,
But it's something I'm working on getting through,
That gut wrenching feeling is not completely gone,
But I'm slowly starting to move on.
You taught me that I shouldn't hide my fears,
And that I should conquer them even if it leaves me in tears,
It was the confidence you had in me,
And how you only referred to us as we.
You made me feel like I was worthy of love,
Even from the big man above,
You taught me to not doubt myself,
And that the world would love to see me out of my shell.
It never occurred to me that you weren't ready,
You had gotten your heart broken one too many times,
And you never really healed properly,
So maybe it was not your fault, but mine.
When you told me you loved me,
It was like I had won the lottery,
But I didn't see, that in being with me,
You thought you'd be healed.
Now it all makes sense to me,
I wish I could have realized sooner,
But I won't put the blame on each other,
Thank you for reminding me to be someone gutsy.
- JN
8.10pm, 17/3/2016 (Thursday)
Home, Kelana Jaya
JN is the one who doesn't take chances, but she's working on that. She's powering through life, one day at a time. Even with all that life throws her, you'll always see her with a smile. She's a hopeless romantic, hopeless beyond repair. You may say she's a dreamer, but she's got her feet on the ground.
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