The Mantoxing Programme

Sometimes, getting a person out of your system is a simple ten-step programme. 

Mantoxing, a 10-step programme to cleansing yourself of the male species.

Step One
Identify, over bottomless tostada chips, that a man has indeed treated you like shit. Consolidate this with salsa and a second opinion by a female companion with wine.

Step Two
Order buffalo wings to complement the wine and chips. Keep Gaviscon handy because this is going to be gastronomical.
*Warning: Do not keep liquid Gaviscon in handbag. It will spread in the bag and people will think it is jizz.

Step Three
Reminisce about the man’s quirks and cute butt (Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm!) whilst internally debating between molten lava cake and a sizzling chocolate chip cookie. Settle instead for an Oreo-topped molten cake and another glass of wine.

Step Four
Play peek-a-boo with the cute little baby in the next booth. Start wishing you had your own… and wonder if you will ever have kids of your own.

Step Five
Wait ah… text your incredibly/equally confused female friend. Convince yourself that singledom isn’t all that bad. And then ponder on whether or not to be a lesbian… again.

Step Six
Stare at couples walking up and down, laughing joyously, hand in hand & feel the infuriation build. What is this? Valentine’s over already lah!

Step Seven
Drop chips on your pants and swear more than necessary. You’re going to die alone, the least the universe can do is let you die alone in nice things. Contemplate getting a dog, then remember you can’t afford a dog AND nice things.

Step Eight
Say, “I can do this and I will do this! I’ve lived a big chunk of my life without this guy! I am empowered and I don’t need a man to complete me!” *grunts*

Step Nine
With a swig of your third glass of wine, start mentally making plans with every living being you know. Resolve to take up those classes that you always wanted to take, and then remember that the man who broke you was once wonderful. Well, shit. Eat another chip.

Step Ten
Go through your phone to reply a friend on Whatsapp. Glance upon his profile picture. Think, “One text won’t hurt right?” and just then, a little green circle with a “1” pops up with a “Hey”. Reply text and go back to step one.

#Shenessa
Feb 18, 2016 (International Wine Day). 8.29pm
Chilli’s, Jaya Shopping Centre


SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two. 

 Despite having seen much suffering & injustice in the world, Vanessa Ee-Lyn Gomes still believes that her words can, someday, change people's lives for the better. She also believes that hugs are essential to make the world go 'round. Putting a tougher front as a journalist by day, she succumbs to being a hopeless romantic by night... though she knows Prince Charming is not on Tinder.

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