"I Like It When You Smile"

It is amazing what unconditional love can make a person do, even when it means putting someone else's happiness before your own. But essentially, that is what love is. Consideration for another person, more than for yourself. 

The first time you had said it, I thought it was a line.
Smiling is not common for people with resting bitch faces,
In fact it’s a lot of effort. To display our feelings on our faces like that.
The contorting of the muscles and the stretch of the lip. Such effort.

I realized however I enjoyed that look you had on when I smiled,
Your eyes brimming with wonderment at the possibility of my face creating such a smile,
Like it was the most fantastic thing you’ve seen all day.
I liked that feeling, like you thought I was fantastic.

I realized also I started to smile a lot more.
Around you, talking about you, thinking about you.
It was like my brain had fixated that facial expression to you,
And every time you came to mind, a smile came to my face.

Today you told me you didn’t know if you wanted to be with me,
It wasn’t me you said, it was just that you weren’t sure.
But I was here. And it was too late, I had fallen too far.
You felt bad. I felt worse. But I tried to make it easy.

I told you to take your time, I’ll be here,
The truth is I would, I’d be here, agonizing and hurting,
But if you decided to come back, I’d still be here.
So that’s what I said – I’ll be here.

I didn’t deserve this, you said.
I said it was okay. You couldn’t help how I felt, so essentially yes – it is okay.
Despite how I was feeling, I needed you to feel better.
So I smiled.

“I like it when you smile”, you said.
I thought about how I never used to do it often, then did it all the time.
As you hugged me to leave and kissed me on the forehead for possibly the last time,
Despite my heart shattering in my eardrums, because I know you liked it,
I looked into your eyes – and I smiled.

- SB
4.46pm, 12th September 2015
Ghetto HQ


SB is a conflicted soul of sorts, who is mad enough to go chase after what she really loves as opposed to conform to society and her mother's idea of a successful person. She prays she makes it in life, because she will not be able to tolerate the nagging that would follow if she doesn't. Her inspiration comes from everything around her, as well as made up situations in her head. Good luck distinguishing between the two. 

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